Other stuff ...

I haven't done a non-work update in a while.

So ... on to other stuff ...

I dyed my hair this weekend. Brown. Kind of a chestnut brown. I forget (because it's been so long) how porous my hair is and how well brown takes to it. So it came out darker than I think the box called for (looking at it again, no ... it came out pretty much how the box said it would hah). But it's fine - I got huge compliments all day at work today.

Ok - one work tidbit - my supervisor told me today that she's super happy with my work (she even gave me a project to work on ... score ...) and knows I want to come on permanent. I was given a wink. I'll take that as a good sign.

Patrick built us a kitchen table (have I mentioned that before?) and it's awesome. It's a simple farm style, but you'd be hard pressed to know if this one was hand made or store bought. It's easily as good as anything bought retail. Better, really, because he made it himself. We stained it and put clear goopy stuff on it and it's finished and sitting in our kitchen. Now we just need some chairs.

I'm still struggling with a steady bed time. 10pm is too late, but 9pm feels way too early. Even though I know 9pm is probably the much better choice.

Christmas was decent, but hectic. I was able to score some village people and bushes (that light up with Christmas tree lights!) for a mini holiday village for $1 - $2 each. I wasn't able to get any actual buildings, but there's still time for that. It's a start and that's better than nothing.

Daniel's been testing our bedroom door again. So the ssscat sprayer is back in action. And working very well. Except that he tests the area a lot and I don't leave it on all the time (batteries and spray go only so far), so sometimes it's hit and miss for him. But it does keep him on his toes most days.

Speaking of the word 'except' ... there's a difference between accept and except. Being a total grammar nazi (I know, you couldn't tell by my blog), it drives me bonkers when people use except instead of accept. Or sale instead of sell (a lot of southerners pronounce "sell" as "sale", so I'm thinking they type it in the way they say it). I like to eyeball craigslist and those two things are repeated time and again. I need to sale my ring and I won't except less than $50 for it. Gah. Makes me practically homicidal.

And that's really it. We plan to ring in the new year in our jammies (we're old like that), safely ensconced on our couches.

Stay safe.

Tempered ...

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday (whatever holiday it is you celebrate).

Super yay for those of you who have realized your dream this year (a couple of you, more than 1!) and finally get to celebrate this time of the year in the way you've always dreampt of.

For those still in this fight, whether it's through treatments or still waiting to adopt, please know my heart is with you.

There's more I want to say - a lot more - but I think this is enough.

Time flies ...

I haven't been working a lot of overtime, not nearly as much as I wanted, but I'm still pretty tired. Because I'm still up at 5:15am so I can be in the office by 7. And I am working some overtime. Not much, but some.

So I come home, lounge around, and be zombyish.

I may have logged onto the computer twice this past week.

I think part of it is because I'm a people person. Bitch as much as I will to anyone who listens how working in customer service sucks, it's still very busy work. Non-stop busy. Which can be exhausting.

I'm non-stop busy at this job, too, though. With over 40,000 employees, there's always always work for my department to do. But it's a different type of exhaustion when comparing numbers all day.

My brain starts melting by the time 4pm hits.

Which is why I haven't been putting in as much overtime as I wanted to. I just hit this wall that makes it impossible to think anymore.

And as most of the work I deal with has to do with government contracts, an inability to think clearly while looking at numbers is not a good thing.

The real pay check is nice. Super nice. I can actually afford to buy my husband a few Christmas gifts. Nothing big, but something.

Although my mom took the 'good' gift from me.

You know the one - The one gift that he's never asked for or even said he wanted. But the one gift you know he'd absolutely love out of the few things he already knows he'll probably get because he specifically asked for them.

The surprise gift.

Only I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mother.

Who promptly said "I want to get him that one" and ended our conversation. And ordered it. And already has it in her house.

So I'm stuck without the 'good' gift.

It's hard to think of another good gift when your brain wants to do nothing more than sit in the corner and watch the pretty colors.

Doesn't work that way ...

The other temp sucked it up and talked to our supervisor about possibly becoming a permanent employee. He did the whole "I don't think we're supposed to ask about this, but ..." thing (our contract w/the temp agency stresses that we're not allowed to solicit for perm positions). And he did tell her that he knows I feel the same as he - we both want to work for the company and we'd like to stay on with that team if possible.

The end result is that he was told they have plans to expand the team and she believes we'll both be able to become permanent members within a couple of months.

So ... yay! I'm going to hold off on the celebration, though. My ovaries have taught me the hard way that you can't count chickens before they hatch ... especially if there aren't any eggs on the ground yet.

The title of this post is brought to you by Angela's - once again - mistaken thinking.

Knowing I'd have a real paycheck coming, I rearranged some bills to try and make them fall on better dates.

Except it didn't work out the way I expected it to, leaving me stressed and scrambling.

Things are ok. We're not in danger of having anything turned off or taken away. I just hate how being kind of behind feels and I hate it even more when I have to explain it to my husband.

Even though I know that next week will officially put me exactly where I want to be, I still feel a tad overwhelmed.

Getting there ...

I'm getting into the swing of this new schedule I've adopted.

Mind you - I don't have to be there by 7am (today it was 6:30am!). I choose to so that I can work overtime and still get home at a decent hour. So yeah ... the torture is completely self inflicted.

I'm still not liking the seating change. Instead of being able to pop up and ask any one of 3 - 4 people a question, I now have to get up and walk over two rows and hunt someone down. The girl that's training me probably spent more time walking back and forth (because I sometimes call her instead of getting up) between her desk and mine than she did sitting in her seat. Plus she gets snagged by the other new temp whenever she's at my desk, so she's rarely over there for just a few minutes at a time.

It's kind of like questions in surround sound.

Patrick's been awesome, too. He's really picked up in the house maintaining area, taking care of the dishes and straightening up when he gets home first.

Which was huge. Not like a huge job, but huge to me that I was able to come home and plant my ass on the couch. It was beyond awesome to come home to a straightened house and a husband asking if I needed anything.

Ah ... the joys of getting back to work.

Except for the 9pm bedtime I seem to have adopted, that is.

Not quite ...

I haven't made the overtime goal for this week. Yet.

I've just been flat out tired. It really is hard to go from not working at all to suddenly working 10 hour days.

I've crapped out 2 days this week. I could have put in 10 today (I went to bed a 9:30 last night hah), but I got my first pay check and it had to be in the bank before 4pm. It's only for 20some hours, but it's nice to have. And since it didn't get to me until after lunch, I had no choice but to jet at 3:30. Gah.

But I plan on working a full day tomorrow, so that'll make up for the overtime I've missed out on.

Hence the "yet".

I only have one grudge point ...

This company's culture for temps is ... standard, from what I hear. I'm just use to my old company - temps were treated no differently than direct hires. If a direct hire got a tote bag, so did the temp. If they got a meeting invite for the department, so did the temp. And they surely weren't made to sit separately from their team.

Which is a bone for me. Temps here (at least in this team) are as such - as temps. And until today, I was sitting with the rest of the team. The other temp was a couple rows away, but I was lucky enough to be put in the middle of everyone else. Which has been a huge help, being new and having lots of questions. Today, though, I was moved.

And it pissed me off. I'm still pissed off. I mean - there were things here and there (such as being uninvited to a meeting that took almost our entire floor because I'm a temp), but they're easily overlooked. The whole being moved away from the rest of the team thing, though, has me twisted.

I just need to remember - I'm a temp. And I am sitting (not literally, mind you, because where I'm now sitting suck donkey balls) in a fairly good spot to become a non-temp if I do a good job and put up with the BS that comes along with being a temp employee.

Otherwise, I'm doing well. A number of my reports were double checked and only a handful had something I missed or a suggestion to do something differently. The rest were good to go.

Which rocks.

Just so yas know, I've been reading some, so I'm kind of caught up with y'all. I just haven't had the oomph to form sentences. I'll correct that this weekend, though.

Tired ...

As in .. yes I am, thanks.

Work is going well. I'm getting more and more into the swing of things, but still nervous about my turn-out as none of my reports have gone through the 2nd process where someone else looks at it, tells me what I did wrong (if anything) and what to do to fix it, or that it's ok and to go ahead and finish it.

I worry that I'm not finding as many errors as I should be, seeing as I don't know all the gazillion numbers they use and didn't go through the normal training process - instead of 1 - 2 weeks of training, I got a full day. I know the normal error rate of those submitting the reports is about 40% (meaning about 40% of them are filled out incorrectly or don't include all of the information we need).

I don't think my rate of returns is that high. I feel like I'm sending too many through as ok. So ... I'm going to have someone sit with me for a few hours tomorrow. I think I'd feel better about it.

I'm trying to work overtime, hence the tired. Getting up at 5:30am so I can be out my door no later than 6:30am and in the office by 7am ... well ... you know you can never get to sleep when you know you have to be up that early. I think I may have clocked about 5 hours of sleep last night.

Today I put in 10 hours. Tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday, I'll be putting in 10 hours each. Saturday I'd like to put in at least 4.

That'll give me 52 hours for the week, 12 of them being overtime at time & 1/2.

Which would be a pretty damned good paycheck.

In other news ...

My husband bought a truck.

2005 Silverado 3500 diesel 4x4.

For a steal.

Loaded (power everything), powerful, not a scratch or dent to be found, spotless interior. For a large amount under blue book.

We figure the previous owner used it for towing an RV because it surely hasn't seen a day's work to still be in pristine condition.

He no longer has truck envy.

Really ...

It wasn't that bad.

At first, it was. But later, it wasn't.

And thank you for listening. You ladies are a continual source of support and love and I can never thank you enough for not telling me to shut the hell up and get over myself.

I just hate the holidays. And my reaction always seems to take me by surprise.

I need to stop thinking the "we should"s. I know it'll be our turn one day, I know we'll be celebrating milestones and holidays with our own child.

It's just hard to overcome the thought that we should already be doing so.

But the day wasn't bad. Honest.

I got over my pity party and hung around the house. Our friends Marty and Alan came over around 6pm and we trekked to my mom's place, where there was a lot of food and laughter (and absolutely no baby talk), and even a puppy.

We couldn't stay too long as both Marty and I had to work today.

Ok - I didn't have to work. Being a temp employee, though, I don't get paid for any days I don't work and, since the option to work was there, I went in.

Although I ended up only staying for 2 hours. One of the online training courses I was to take is open to employees only, so that shot most of my day. I could have done some reports, but there were only 3 regular employees working and they have their own quotas to meet. They surely didn't need me popping up every few minutes to ask a question.

On a plus side - I did get an e-mail to go ahead and attend the new hire orientation on Monday. So I consider that a bonus.

I called the employment agency on my way home to see how the delivery of the paycheck will work next week. She reported that she received an e-mail from my supervisor on Wed, saying that I'm working out very well and that she's super excited that I'm already processing reports on my own.

So yay me!

And next week I'm going to try to work as much as possible since there's unlimited overtime available. So you probably won't hear from me much and I may not be reading as often. But I promise to catch up on anything I miss.

The (pity) party has started ...

The whore showed up yesterday.

Yes, my period decided to wait until the actual freakin holiday to show her ass.

My uterus truly does hate me.

My dad has called me twice now, asking if we were going to be there for Thanksgiving. Both times I told him no.

Not only is Patrick avoiding all holiday gatherings this year, but ... well ... my step-sister and her family will be there. And they'll be the only ones of us kids to be there, so who am I supposed to use to ignore the baby and all the happy baby talk? I mean ... this will be his first Thanksgiving where he'll actually be aware of the going-ons around him. And since there is no such thing as even a basic conversation with either parental unit on that side that doesn't involve updates on what that grandchild can do now, I can't imagine how an actual real holiday with him will be.

That sounds awful. I know it does. Who ignores a baby, for cry-eye?

Me. I do.

I wish I were like those of you who can immerse yourselves in the babies of your friends and siblings. But I can't. I just find it too painful and it seems to get worse with every passing year.

Maybe it's the age thing.

When I started my first round of fertility treatments, I was just 25. Yes, a whopping 25 years old with an already long history of PCOS and missed periods. Back then, I was like that - I didn't hesitate to hold babies and I enjoyed being around them.

Because I never imagined I'd still be childless 12 years and numerous treatment cycles later. Sure, I figured it'd take a bit of time. A couple years at the most.

Yet, here I am. 37 and wondering why I even have a uterus and ovaries.

And why they always wait for holidays to remind me of their uselessness.

Don't get me wrong - I do have a lot to be thankful for.

Such as not having to go spend a day with a part of my family that can't help but remind me of what I'd be the most thankful for but don't have.

Work update ...

Ok ... I've survived my first 3 days.

Score.

It isn't bad at all. The people on my team really are super nice and funny and a lively bunch.

The computer system isn't hard (although the ones who use both bitch about the one I'm using because it's newer and has more clicks to get through, but I think it's fairly simple to navigate through).

The work itself can get pretty confusing, but so far so good. It's just a lot to remember. Right now, though, they're having use new ones put our reports in a re-audit que for review before letting us actually approve them. So at least someone will catch any errors before they're actually made.

But I spent this entire afternoon at my desk, by myself, processing reports. And standing up to ask the mentor girl a gazillion questions. I was able to get through a number of them on my own, though, so I count that as a positive.

The air on our floor is super dry and I've ended up with massive headaches both yesterday and today (I'm waiting for today's Tylenol to kick in gah).

Another plus - and this tickled me, having come from a call center - we can listen to music. We can bring an MP3 player if we have one or listen to streaming radio online. We can't surf - that place is locked down tighter than a virgin's panties. But I'm all excited about being able to bring my MP3 player to listen to while I'm working.

I can still pretty much make my own schedule and they're currently offering unlimited amounts of overtime. I did go in at 7 this morning so I could leave at 3:30, come home, get my last unemployment check, then run to the bank since it absolutely needed to be deposited today. But no check. I'm pissed. I filed like normal on Sunday and I always have it on Wednesday when I file on Sunday, but not today. Which means I won't get it until Friday. Or ... I had better get the damned thing on Friday, would be a better way to put it.

I'm going to have to beg Marc to come by here and deposit it for me since I don't know that I want to be up at 5am again on Friday.

Anyway ...

They hired a direct hire who started at the same time as us. And the first 2 days were full of "you'll need to do this, but they won't because ... blah blah blah". Such as a security review and test. The other new hire temp and I were repeatedly told we didn't need to do it since we're not employees of the company. But - and this is a good but - she told me this morning to do it on Friday "because you can never tell". So I take that to mean I may be able to slide into a permanent position.

The other thing is that they were initially going to move me to a desk next to the other temp person - which is a block of cubicles away from the rest of the team. Apparently the desk I was put in is slotted for a permanent hire. Yesterday, though, there was a question about my profile on their intranet thing and she told me to go ahead and put the phone number to my current desk in it since that'll be my phone number. Not the phone number for the phone at the other temp desk.

So ... I'm going to try to not assume anything, but both of those things do give me reason to think that maybe - again - I'll be sliding into one of the permanent positions they have open (they currently have 2 perm positions open in their team).

And now I'm off to lay on the couch and wait for my head to stop pounding.

First day down ...

I survived the first day.

And as with most first days, it was a bit of hurry up and wait.

Everyone so far seems super friendly. And harried. The poor people are seriously stressed because of how behind they are with the computer transition. Apparently a few were working 60+ hours a week. Great for the pay check, but not so great for their sleep and stress levels.

But that'll be good for us.

It was our luck that they were having a Thanksgiving pot luck yesterday, so score on the tons of free food.

There was a lot of reading and a lot of listening. Between the big lunch and sitting and listening for 2 hours, I was ready to pass out by 4pm.

And that's it. There isn't a whole lot to report just yet as it's all so new.

I should have more details over the next few days.

As of now, I'm off to get ready for day #2.

Like a schoolgirl ...

I was one of those that looked forward to school starting. Not because I was all about the classes, but because I really saw school as a giant social event. Half of our school were kids bussed in from the next town over, so each September presented me with a chance to see friends I didn't see all summer. And I pulled A's & B's, so it's not like it was all socializing. But really ... that's kind of how I saw high school -- one big social thing (I was a cheerleader, in the choir, and in the spring musicals, so I was a busy busy girl) with some classes and homework thrown in.

So yeah ... I always had my back to school outfit picked out days in advance out of sheer anticipation.

Tomorrow is no different.

I have my outfit picked out and I know what I'm taking for lunch. I know what time I need to get up and when I have to walk out of my front door in order to get through all of the school zones and to the office on time.

And as obnoxious as this may sound, I expect to have trouble sleeping tonight.

Earlier today, Patrick asked me if I was nervous.

Pfffft. Hell no.

School is in and this bitch is excited.

Video Fun ...

No, not the kind you're thinking.

Ya pervs.

It's a video I took of Hoss this morning for my mom. At the end, when he looks all stern with his ears layed back, I was scratching his chest. That's a look of "aaaahhh", not a look of "I'm going to eat your face".

I'm ready!

Two more days! Rah!

I did go to the thrift store and then also hit a local KARM store and pick up a few things. I spent just over $40, but came away with 9 or 10 items.

I always feel bad going into those stores. Not because of pride, but because I feel like there's so many others that probably need the low-cost clothing more than I do and that I shouldn't be buying things that maybe someone else will need.

Which is why, to this day, I rarely eat the last of anything in our fridge.

But I'm about set at least until I get my first couple of paychecks (bills will come first).

Oh - and I did find shoes. I managed to get 2 pairs for just $38 after tax. So I'm set in the shoe department for a little bit, as well.

Biscuit, our little dog, has a thing about clothes.

I don't know what it is, but she gets all sorts of excited when we change clothes or if we're carrying laundry down to the washer. She has to sniff them and then runs around like a crazy dog.

It's probably safe to say that she'd be a total clothes whore if she were human.

All over the place ...

The whorebitch that is my period hasn't shown up yet (of course), but everything is now officially pointing to go. The only symptom yet to appear is the itchy nipples. That usually starts a day or two before lift off and I fully expect it this weekend.

That whole refusing to be left out of the excitement thing my uterus has.

The weather here has been about 10 degrees below normal. We're already in the low 20's at night, which is typical January / February weather for us.

It strikes me as odd that I'm even bitching about cold weather this late in November seeing as I grew up in a suburb of Chicago, where we'd normally have snow already. But almost 15 years in East Tennessee has me spoiled for warmer weather.

The dogs, though, are definitely enjoying the cooler temps more. Not to say they adore 20 degree temps, but there's no more misery in trying to get out of the sun during the mid-day.

Hoss gets several blankets (I get the cheapie $5 blankets from The Dollar General) for his dog house since it's pretty wide open and I want to make sure he stays as least semi-warm. Yesterday he dragged 2 of them out and laid on them in the sun. I'm not sure if it was an attempt to warm up or because he was too warm inside the house with the blankets and his own body heat.

Of course, though, he never thinks to drag them back in. So I had to man-handle stinky, doggy blankets yesterday. Yum.

Right now he's laying on our deck, chomping a stick.

I'm still all abuzz about starting the job on Monday, but I won't go on and on like I have. I still need some tops and shoes and yesterday ventured into a local thrift store.

Most of the clothes there are decent, but some are obviously worn. As in ... just ... you know ... they look worn. But the prices range from $1 - $5 on average, so worn be damned. I plan on going back and actually buying some things.

I even came across a few London Fog coats, which can normally retail for well over $100. These? They were $15 and in excellent condition. I didn't see one in my size, but I'm going to look more thoroughly when I go back.

And I'll stop there. Otherwise this will turn into yet another on and on diatribe.

It's not a party without it ...

My period, which is a week overdue, is finally on its way.

Considering it showed up the day after my wedding and usually shows up at every holiday and birthday, the timing shouldn't surprise me. My uterus hates being left out of any celebration.

So it really shouldn't be a shock it's gearing up to start this coming weekend, if it doesn't decide to hold out for the big day itself - Monday. I mean, why should I get to enjoy the first day of a new job alone?!?

In honor of my uterus's need to feel included, please sing the following to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree" ...

Oh stupid ute
Oh stupid ute
Why do you always torture me?

Oh stupid ute
Oh stupid ute
Why can't you just let it be?

I will not tell
If you don't show
Not a word
If you won't flow

Oh stupid ute
Oh stupid ute
Why do you always torture me?

Last workless Monday ...

I wasn't able to exchange the tops.

Well, not for the same tops in a different size, at least. I did exchange them for another pair of jeans (I went with a 16 this time, but regretted it after I got home and tried on a newly washed pair of the 14's again and remembered that they really do fit much better), a different top (not excited about it, but it was $5), and a shawl.

There are things I still need to get (more tops, some shoes), but not today!

Nope. This girl is going to shower, put her jammies right back on, and then lounge around the house all day.

Why?

Because, like my title says, it's my last workless Monday!

And seeing as I plan on taking full advantage of the practically unlimited amount of overtime I'll be offered, I need to make this week one hell of a relaxing one.

Speaking of relaxing ...

Do I need to tell anyone how awesome it is to not have to scour careerbuilder and monster every morning? To not have to attack the Sunday job section like it owes me money?

I didn't think so.

Shopping Success ... kinda ...

We did go shopping yesterday.

I bought a couple pairs of jeans, 4 tops and, a sweater. But 3 of the tops will need to go back - they're too tight across the chest. I thought those tops might be, but figured I'd risk it since they didn't have any of them a size up.

No, I didn't try them on at the store. I always find that depressing, so I don't do it.

I especially hate shopping for tops. I'm large breasted and always end up having to buy a larger size just to go around the boobs without looking like I'm heading for a porn shoot. It's especially depressing when I know I don't wear an XXL, but that's all that will fit them. So I end up with a top that has room for my girls, but is too large everywhere else.

Although I do think clothes have started running smaller and smaller in the last several years. My younger step-sister, who has weighed more than 105lbs only when she was pregnant and has small boobs, usually has to go with a medium these days. And that girl is not a medium, believe me.

Anyway ... 3 tops will need to be exchanged.

The 2 pairs of jeans I bought in a 14 and they fit pretty well. My belly needs a 16 (it's the first place I gain weight and the last place I lose it), but my butt and thighs are a 14. Most of my jeans are all saggy assed and baggy thighed because I shop for comfort, not style. Seeing as the goal of these were to dress them up with a nice top and nice shoes, I didn't want the baggy.

So although I'll be all squeezed in the middle with the dreaded muffin top overhang, the rest of them look damned good. And since I never (I mean, never) wear any top tucked or snug, the bit of overhang won't be a problem.

(that image is oh-so-attractive, isn't it?)

Even the husband mentioned the difference in fit. That should tell you how significant it is.

I'll need to get those exchanged, pick up a few more, along with another pair or two of jeans, and pick out a few pairs of shoes for the week. Tennis shoes are allowed only on Friday and the only pair of dressy shoes I own are high heeled boots, so I'm going to have to find some sort of something else that will look good and be comfy. I already have a few pairs of dressy pants (in basic, classic colors), so I'm not really worried about that as I'll only wear them a couple times a week and mixing the tops should keep the "didn't you just wear that?" away.

I also talked about our sweet-tooths last night. Patrick makes awesome pumpkin pie cheesecake and goes a bit nuts with them this time of year. Add Halloween candy and other not good for you foods mixed with a serious lack of will power on my end and you have someone who's steps away from no longer fitting into the nice jeans she just bought.

So I've decreed - we really need to be more careful about what foods we bring into our house. We already eat grilled chicken most nights for dinner (it's cheap) and a veggie, but it's the extras we bring in.

Like the blueberry muffin mix we bought last night.

This is going to be tough.

I'm good ...

Does it need to be said that I'm still riding the high of the newly employed?

People who know people who've gone to this company as 'temporary' employees keep saying the company is known for bringing someone in through an agency, telling them it's for a limited time only, and then hiring them anyway.

I'm trying not to count that chicken. Trying. But it's hard.

In the meantime, it's almost like the good sex after-glow - warm and fuzzy and leaving me satisfyingly content.

Knowing that I wouldn't have to worry about making sure $47 lasted me 3 weeks, I went to McKay's used book store and splurged on 3 books. But I only allowed myself to buy 1 hardcover at $13. The other two were paperback and one of those wasn't even $2. So the guilt I've gotten use to over the last several months was only a small whisper.

That's not to say that I'll soon be back into my old spending ways. No. I'm going to do what I can to continue to spend less - no more eating lunch out every day, no more going out to eat more nights than not, etc ... I never truly realized how much money I wasted on lunches and dinners alone.

I'd add buying clothes to that, but I don't. I hate clothing shopping and I hate spending money on clothes. Ask the husband - I wear his shirts more days than my own because I just don't have much clothing. I go shopping with the best of intentions, but I'll eventually put the items back if I walk around enough.

So I do. I pick up a few items, carry them around the store for several minutes, then put them back. And there have been times where, if I do manage to escape with something I actually bought, I'll take the items back the next day.

But I will go. For this job, I will. I just discovered a local Steve & Barry's and was amazingly impressed with their store. And even more so with their prices. So there will be a shopping trip in the next few days that will not have me talking myself out of my purchases while walking around and will not leave me with a sense that I need to return it all (especially when most items are under $10 and of the same quality you'll find at high dollar stores!).

No more Ross for this woman, with its disheveled racks and off-size clothing.

Who knew that going to work instead of sitting around the house could feel so good?

All agog ...

Thank you for the congrats, ladies!

I'm still so super excited.

So excited that it's tempting to stop random people and say "Hi. My name is Angela and I have a job!".

The woman from the agency called yesterday afternoon right as I walked back into my door after taking the drug test and said they forgot to get a copy of my driver's license and ss card. She suggested that I bring it by this morning and then we'll go to lunch.

I'm not sure if that's SOP or not and I'm not sure if that invitation means she's buying, but I don't care. It'll be grown up conversation with a business type person and I've missed having that.

Patrick took me out to dinner last night to celebrate my jobification and, on our way in, I told him how I had these lists of what I will and won't miss when the job starts.

He surmised that the fact that I had lists at all showed I had way too much time on my hands. But I assured him they weren't actually written down - just kept in my head.

I'm sure I've mentioned them in previous whiney posts, but here they are again ...

I won't miss having cats and a dog be my main source of daily conversation. I won't miss doing 99.9999% of the cooking and cleaning. I won't miss spending my days chasing various animals away from items they shouldn't have or things they shouldn't be digging at. And I won't miss the highlight of my day being a really good guest on Oprah.

I will miss being able to take care of business during normal business hours. And I will miss being able to take a nap if I want to. But that's really about it.

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to the changes this will bring far more than I'm mourning the loss of being able to lounge around in my pajamas until 2pm if I want. Say what you want, but that does get old after the first few weeks.

Although I was laying on the couch when the lists of yays went through my head.

A Window Opens ...

I'm super excited to announce that I have a job.

EEEEEEEEE!

Here's the run-down ...

The business is a major company that works with the government and currently has almost 44,000 employees. This is the one I mentioned having a later interview with yesterday and a company I have only heard good things about.

I'll be considered an 'Expense Report Auditor'.

The job is currently listed as a contract position for 3 months while they transition from one computer system to another and take care of the huge backlog the transition has created.

The pay is good. It's not quite what I was making when I left my last job, but definitely more than what most companies here pay and more than I was expecting.

And it's a hell of a lot more than what I'm bringing in on unemployment.

The hours are, technically, Monday - Friday / 8 - 5, but I can pretty much make my own hours when I'm up and running on my own as long as I put in 8. Plus, while it's not mandatory, I'll also be able to work about as much overtime as I want.

I knew before I even left the interview that she was going to ask for me - she said to expect to start on Monday, but that she'd have to let the agency know and the agency would have to then call me to make it 'official'.

Technical, computer difficulties on their end has me and one other person actually not starting until Monday the 24th, though.

So I have 1 more week on unemployment, but I think this will probably be the one week I truly enjoy out of all the weeks I've been unemployed. I know people would expect me to have enjoyed this time off, but there's nothing fun but about stressing over bills you can barely pay and food you really can't afford to buy.

But no more! At least for the next 3 months (I'm so hoping they'll realize they can't live without me during that time) I'll once again feel secure.

I'm beyond excited.

No more nightcaps ...

The agency called yesterday afternoon with information on another possible job for me. The company needs 3 people - she was going to tweak my resume a bit and send it over.

Although I didn't admit it, I recognized which company she was talking about while she was reading the description (they don't like to share the company name so don't try to go around them for the job). It's a good company. I know a few people who have gone there in the last several months and they're all very happy.

And it's not customer service. Yay.

So that's 2 possible jobs this week. I haven't heard from the HR manager for the other one yet, but at least my resume is on the plate of consideration.

Bill paying aside, a job would mean insurance. And that would mean we could move forward again with our adoption plans.

Edit 9:54am

I have a 4:30 interview for the job through the agency! Right now it's considered a contract position through February, but I'm not caring. I know this company and I'm seriously hoping they love me.

*****

I've been having the strangest dreams lately.

First there was the one where I was able to watch someone's baby online - like on a webcam - and then just reach into the monitor and take it. Lovely, eh? But I was just babysitting. Like keeping it for a few hours and then putting it back. I did that with 2 babies. I don't think the mother of either of them realized what I was doing because I remember thinking I had to have the boy back soon or the mother would think it was kidnapped.

Then there was a zombie one. Only I wasn't afraid of the zombies. They were just ... there. And someone commented that so & so was gotten by the zombies and we have to be careful. But it wasn't a run away from them screaming sort of dream for me personally, although the others in my dream were freaking out. I was oddly calm and not afraid.

I dreamt of a frog one night. This teeny, tiny, colorful frog on a sidewalk. It was dark out and the sidewalk was dirty and I remember it being set in some major city. It was a busy sidewalk and I was with a friend, heading somewhere I don't remember, when I spotted it. I don't know that it was dodging feet, but I seemed to assume it was about to be squashed. I kept trying to gently snag it (it was teeny) while staying out of the way of the other people walking about. I never did catch it before waking up.

This morning's was just absolutely horrible. A joke Patrick said / did was taken wrong by this gang he hung out with (he really doesn't hang out with gangs) and they were, unbeknownst to him, going to kill him later that night. Even though they said the joke was ok and no one was offended. Something to do with swinging his butt around. I knew, but he didn't. And there wasn't anything I could do to prevent it. I was supposed to just go home and wait and hope the few guys I talked to would change their minds. Why calling the police or playing stupid and insisting he went home with me never entered my mind, I don't know. But it didn't. Instead, it seemed better that I pretend everything was ok so he wouldn't know and wouldn't be scared. I woke up, though, just as a friend of ours was challenging me (in one of those - you're just going home?!? - sort of ways) to do something. I'm looking forward to the feelings of that dream dissipating.

All of my dreams have been like those lately - just strange. Even the ones I barely remember leave me with a "huh?" sort of feeling the next morning.

Crazy brain.

Cinnamon be damned ...

Another Monday ... how time flies when you're not working.

I should expect to hear from that HR manager sometime this week. Keep your fingers crossed, por favor.

*****

A couple weekends ago, my husband, my best friend Marc, and I went to a couple Wal-Mart stores to eyeball Christmas trees.

The holiday section of both stores had this horrendously strong cinnamon scent. I thought it was just me being sensitive until Marc commented on it. And then Patrick commented on it.

It was headache inducing strong. In both stores.

Since it was in both stores, I figured it was something company-wide; something in all of them. So I e-mailed Wal-Mart through their web site about the scent.

Surprisingly enough, the manager of my closest store called me this morning to talk about it. It turns out that it's from a holiday product they carry - these scented pine-cones. So it comes to them already like that. And I'm far from the first person to mention it. He said there have been a few comments made, but usually just in passing as they're checking out.

This is a clue that more people need to actually speak up - use e-mail or (respectfully and politely) speak to the store manager about it. It's one thing when a cashier says "yeah, a few people mentioned it", but something completely different when the customer takes the time to either e-mail the corporation or seek out a manager themselves.

But I digress ...

My suggestion, since it's a product and not something piped into the store, was to maybe display fewer of them. Or display them near the doors for the lawn and garden section so that some of the scent can escape rather than being trapped in the main part of the section ... ya know ... where a good portion of the decorations are kept and where you're far more likely to spend more time.

I also said it would do the manufacturer of that product some good to know what customers have been saying about it. It doesn't do anything for anyone (store or manufacturer) to produce and display something that ends up only chasing customers away.

Because I tell ya ... if you already have a headache when you go there, you're in for a nauseating time if you hit the holiday section.

Which is a shame. As much as I dislike the monster Wal-Mart has become, they usually do have good holiday products at decent prices.

The manager was super nice, though, and completely understood where I was coming from. He said they'll be looking at ways to fix the problem and, hopefully, make it less of an issue. Because I like cinnamon. I just don't like drowning in it.

And that's your Monday rant.

Tease ...

I was pretty upset after Friday morning's phone call. Really. Pissed and depressed and just flat out ugly.

That afternoon, I received a call from another company I had sent my resume to. After I answered the questions and gave what I thought was a reasonable pay expectation, the woman said I should expect a call from the HR manager next week.

Now, some will say this is a window - when a door closes, a window opens ... or whatever.

I say this is God having a good bit of fun at my expense.

As in ... let's see how much up and down Angela can take before she completely loses it and ends up babbling in the corner.

Well then ...

The company the agency called about had conducted their own interviews and hired someone.

So they ended up not using the agency and, in turn, won't be hiring me.

She's going to continue to try and find something for me, but that was the only receptionist / admin position she has right now.

Fuck'n shit.

More notes ...

I did e-mail with the agency yesterday and she said she was still trying to get them on the phone. So ... maybe I'll have some sort of news today. It'd be nice considering the company wants the receptionist to start on Monday.

*****

Today is one year since we were handed the keys to our new place. I wish I could do that whole "how things change in a year" shpeel, but I can't. The only new thing from a year ago is that I'm without a job.

Maybe I'll have more to report a year from today.

*****

You know the feeling that you can hear the blood rushing through your ears when you've had too much drink?

That's been the state of my ears for the last few days. I believe it's my sinuses causing it, but I can't exactly go to a doctor to make sure since we don't have insurance.

But I'm pretty sure it's sinuses - it's both ears and more noticeable after I've been laying down. What I do know for positive is that it's irrating. I have this odd mixture of not being able to hear things clearly while getting aggravated when there's too much noise - like the idiots that yell at you during a commercial. Those guys are more irritating than normal right now. So while I sometimes struggle to hear a normally spoken word, too much noise grates my nerves like nothing else (I think it's because there's already noise in my head and the extra noise is just too much).

And other than being a bit stuffy, I feel fine. Just that constant noise in my head.

I figure it'll work itself out when the weather finally decides what it wants to do.

The day after ...

I stayed up, glued to my tv, until after Obama's acceptance speech.

Whew! Is what I say.

Now that we've all put our eggs into his basket, here's to hoping he doesn't let us down.

*****

I haven't heard back from the agency yet. Which could be a good or not so good thing - either she's still gathering information, waiting to hear back from them, or has heard back and just doesn't want to call me yet.

Ya know ... just about any scenerio.

Thank you for your support and comments, though. Y'all never hesitate to remind me that I'm not a big, fat loser hah

*****

I don't have much on my agenda for today. Patrick's back at work and it's been pretty boring here the last couple of days.

Done and done ...

I voted.

The lines weren't bad at all. The polling place for me is about 5 minutes from my house - so with the drive there, waiting in line to verify my eligibility, waiting in line to vote, voting, and the drive back, I was home in about 35 - 40 minutes.

So ... that's done. And I'm glad. I'm so beyond sick of this election season.

There was a possible job on the front that I haven't mentioned for fear of jinxing myself. That and because I'm pretty much over talking about a possible job only to never hear anything back.

This is the crux ...

It was a csr job that needed 20+ associates. The agent said it's temporary, just 2 months. But me and a couple of friends figured that wasn't quite right - some companies will use an agency to hire a lot of people, put them through training, then keep the ones they want. And we were able to figure out which company it was through the little bit of information she had given me.

And while it was a csr job, the company pays really well and even has adoption benefits.

So when I didn't hear from the agent for a few days, I e-mailed her. She called me this morning to say she actually has another position she think I'd fit into - it's a receptionist position for a company opening a local branch.

I hemmed and hawed - it's hard to pass up a company that you know offers adoption benefits. But I didn't want to say outright that I figured out which company it was and the reason I wanted to go there.

She, however, made up my mind for me. Apparently that company does this every year - they use this agency to bring in a number of people to cover a busy time and then let them all go. So it truly is a temporary job.

Whereas the receptionist position will go permanent and she believes it will pay a little bit more.

So ... even though I don't have the level of admin experience they're looking for, she's going to try and get them to take me anyway. I think she may rearrange my resume to make it more along the lines of what they're looking for.

Outside of them wanting the person to start this coming Monday, that's all the information I have.

I should hear something from her sometime today, but I'm not couting my chickens. I've already counted too many chickens that ended up not hatching.

And now I'm off to compulsively watch polling results.

Movie suckage ...

We didn't get many trick-or-treaters. This was our first Halloween here and the previous owners said they didn't get many, but still ... we bought a ton of friggin candy just in case.

It was the good stuff, too. Hershey all the way. And since we didn't get many, I was doling out entire handfuls of mini-goodness to each kid that came by.

So maybe word will spread that not only do we give out good candy, but we give out a lot of it. Maybe next year we'll have a better turnout.

(Yes, I know trunk or treats are all the rage right now. Don't get me started - I could write paragraphs about the ruining of Halloween lead by a pack of well meaning paranoids.)

And what was up with the serious lack of scary movies?!? Since when do Resident Evil, the new House of Wax, and The House on Haunted Hill qualify as scary movies?

Where was Halloween (only the best scary movie ever!) and Amityville Horror (the original, of course)? Not even a hint of Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Motel Hell, both of which are decent in a moment of desperation.

Patrick, Marc, and I were all settled in, ready for a lights out scary movie fest and all we were handed were the above 3 mentioned lame movies and a couple of those live "ghost hunter" crap shows.

I was seriously disappointed. Next year I'm not leaving the choices up to the cable channels - I'll be renting a buttload of movies on my own, thank you very much.


In other news ...

We went to dinner and then bowling with a couple of friends and their kids last night and had a grand time. I even bowled my best game ever - 134!

So even though Halloween was a total let-down, Biscuit looked adorable and the rest of the weekend was a most awesome one.

Doggy spells ...

Because we don't yet have kids, we're apparently turning into that couple ...

Don't you just love how huge my leg looks there? hah

Bulletin ...

I'm still in my jammies.

That is all.

Mo' Money ...

Patrick is off running a sawmill related errand, so I'm just hanging out.

The poor guy - he's been off all week so far and has had to spend most of that time with his wife hah I thought the least I could do was let him run this one alone. Especially since it's an hour drive each way.

It really has been far more relaxed here these last few days. Wishes upon wishes would have him back to working his sawmill. Physically demanding work, yes. But the mental trade-off would be worth it 100 times over.

The refund check from our cancelled dining set arrived today. $400 of that is going straight to Patrick's Home Depot card to pay for the water heater. And as painful as it was to part with that money (the check was made out to me, don't ya know), it would have been seriously painful to not have had it come back to us at all and be stuck with that $400 on the credit card.

One of those "for a reason" things that I absolutely hate (because people are usually referring to my ovaries and/or uterus when the words are uttered).

Speaking of money ...

I had a talk with at&t this morning. I received our 2nd bill - for $90+ dollars. Yes, $90+ dollars. Which is about 30 bucks more than I was expecting.

When we signed up for the internet, we had to get a phone line in order to get the dsl speed we need. Which irritated me to no end, but we didn't exactly have a choice. After streaking upstairs and to their site today, though, I discovered that oh no - we could now get the exact same dsl plan for just $5 more without a phone line.

So the phone line has been cancelled and will be disconnected around midnight tonight. I'm not doing $90+ a month, especially when almost half of that cost is for a phone line we don't use.

I just realized it's barely after 1pm. Huh. We've had such a busy morning that it really seems like it should already be at least 3 or 4pm.

Chilly outside ...

I've been tagged by a couple of awesome ladies, so be sure to read the whole thing.

We didn't go to the haunted corn maze on Saturday. Patrick thought there was going to be a group of people going and mentioned his hanging out at his mom's while the rest of us went. He apparently doesn't enjoy the spooky as much as I do.

Which meant we weren't going. Not because he refused to go - when he found out it really was going to be just the two of us, he insisted we go since I'd been looking forward to it all year (really, I had been). But that's no fun for me. I love to get into the mood of it all - you won't find me laughing my way through a haunted anything unless it's just that badly done. And I can't enjoy it like that if those I go with aren't enjoying it the same.

Instead, he made a few pumpkin pie cheesecakes (holy cripes they're so yummy) and we had a couple people over for pizza. So it was a fun evening all the same.

The weather is finally fall / almost winter type weather. We've been in the 40's the last couple of days and it doesn't show any sign of warming back up. I triple love this time of the year, when it's crisp outside and snuggle warm inside.

And that's it. Patrick's on vacation this week, so we've been puttering around the house and just hanging out. He's so noticeably relaxed knowing he doesn't have to go into the office. The man really needs to get back to sawing - he'd be a much happier person.

And on to the tag ...

This is going to be hard - the questions have to be answered with only one word. Y'all know how wordy I am, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

1. Where is your cell phone? buffet
2. Where is your significant other? bed
3. Your hair color? blonde
4. Your mother? difficult
5. Your father? funny
6. Your favorite thing? laughter
7. Your dream last night? unsure
8. Your dream/goal? family
9. The room you’re in? office
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? mugged
12. Where do you want to be in six years? here
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? male
15. One of your wish list items? job
16. Where you grew up? Romeoville
17. The last thing you did? coffee
18. What are you wearing? jammies
19. Your T.V.? downstairs
20. Your pet? lots
21. Your computer? built
22. Your mood? chipper
23. Missing someone? yes
24. Your car? dodge
25. Something you’re not wearing? bra
26. Favorite store? erm ...
27. Your Summer? boring
28. Love someone? absolutely!
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? days

An early day ...

I was up far too early for someone without a job or kids. Yuck.

I did buy a 3rd package of chicken (well, a 3rd & 4th package) from a 3rd store before throwing out the other two packages. And this chicken smelled just fine - almost no odor until I put my face right up to it.

Which was a huge difference from the stench coming from the other packages that permeated the entire downstairs of our house.

So the original 2 packages of chicken thighs have been tossed and replaced with the new ones.

Still no word from my interview last week and I'm guessing it's officially safe to assume it's a no-go for me. I also applied for something earlier this week, but have yet to hear anything at all.

I did apply for another position last night (careerbuilder sends me nightly job posting alerts). This company's online process was a bit of a pain, but easier than some in other ways.

I believe we're going to go to this tomorrow evening. It's been a couple of years since our last visit (where Patrick first shoved me between him and a ghoulie and then later completely out of the way while he and a few others took off running) and I'm all sorts of excited to go. You can read a review of it here - it really is as good as they say. (Last year's review is much more descriptive, though, and gives you a better idea of what goes on.)

Plus what true lover of all things scary and creepy at Halloween could resist a barely moon-lit cornfield full of things that might jump out at you?!?

I did a good bit of shopping yesterday.

I'll be the first to admit I'm seriously lacking in the adult meal preparation department. I've always been (and probably always will be) a total restaurant fanatic. If I have a choice of eating out or staying home and cooking, I will almost always choose going out. And when I don't choose going out, I still give serious thought to delivery.

So the whole buying bulk packages of meat and chicken (chicken's meat, I know, but ... ) and separating them into individual freezer bags for individual dinners ... well ... it's alien to me.

I bought two huge packages of chicken thighs yesterday from two different stores. When I got home, I noticed this really odd, nasty smell.

Open one package of chicken and holy fuck. I wanted to vomit. Really. It reeked. I separated and bagged them anyway, figuring I'd wait until I opened the 2nd package from the other store and see how it smelled (see? That's how much I don't cook 'real' food at home).

And it stank, too.

My mom thought the whole thing hilarious. There was much laughter on her end of the line once she got over the shock of her daughter actually preparing servings ahead of schedule.

Today, though, I'm feeling less confident about the chicken. Yes, both packages made me want to vomit. Yes, each package was from a different store so the chances of them both being spoiled are really low.

But still ... that rotten egg smell can't be a good sign. I've decided to toss them and buy some from a 3rd store.

And if that stuff stinks? Well, I'll feel like a dumbass for tossing out the other chicken but at least I'll be more confident that I'm not going to give Patrick and I salminella.

In other news ...

My ring is back! And it's beautiful. When the woman said I'd get a practically new ring back, she wasn't kidding. I can see where the changes were made in the prongs and the main diamond was reset to better fit the opening. And they re-rounded the band part - ya know, where it changes shape to match the actual shape of your finger. Apparently my fingers are more oval than round.

I'm super happy to have it back where it belongs. I really did miss the bugger.

*******

Long time readers of my blog will know that my closest friends are gay men. And I've always been curious about those who change their gender. I understand part of it, but there are parts I still don't quite understand.

Having said that (what an opener, eh?), I've been watching this show. I've seen a couple of episodes here and there in the past, but they recently started a 6 part series.

And it really is intriguing. Not just the aspect of the surgeries, but the stories of those who come to the hospital to have it done. The patients are almost painfully honest in their feelings and struggles with their gender. You really see their hearts in this show. And you also see the hearts of those around them.

Obviously, I'm not about to judge their decisions (and if you are, please keep it to yourself - comments about burning in hell and such will be deleted).

As to why people feel the way they do, I couldn't begin to comment. But I would recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more. It's not flashy, it's not gaudy - I wouldn't even rank it as a 'reality' show. It's just very matter of fact and honest.

And that cutting through the BS and showing the heart of people experiencing this is what makes it a must watch for me.

Thoughts on shopping ...

I'm scouring the sales ads today, looking for who's the cheapest on what. I even looked online to get a general idea of who's cheapest on what isn't on sale (although Wal-Mart apparently isn't big on posting the prices of their stuff).

And I have a pad of paper and a pen to write down at the stores what I can't find online. I'll drive a few miles back to a store if it'll save me a few dollars because those few dollars add up when it's on more than just one or two items.

Yay for shopping when you're poor!

Anyway ...

I need to get a few things that'll last us a bit - the basics like chicken and more chicken and ground beef. Those I can separate into actual per-meal (not sure why, but I don't like the word 'meal') baggies to take out as needed. And a couple of things that I can make for dinner that'll give us left-overs, like a roast I can cram into our crockpot.

And I need to make sure to stay away from the lure of 'awesome' pricing - such as 10 for $10. It doesn't do me any good to spend $10 on something I normally wouldn't buy anyway just because the price is a good one.

Which leads me to coupons. I have a few that I'll be taking with me, but sometimes it's hard to not cut something out simply because it's a coupon. My judge is - if I don't normally buy it, I don't cut the coupon. Otherwise I'll be spending money on something I wouldn't buy any other day just to 'save' money. Which wouldn't be saving money at all, now would it?

So those are my thoughts for today.

No word yet ...

Tomorrow will be one week since my interview and I haven't heard anything yet. I'm going to assume (yeah, yeah, I know) that it means I didn't make the cut.

Damn it.

I spent about a half hour filling out the online assessment form for the call center job. 261 questions, with oddball ones thrown in - like "you cannot count past 50" and "your family gets along".

I realize they're probably tossed in there to make sure the person's paying attention, but Lordy they're irritating.

I keep trying to remind myself of the good points to this call center - no weekends or evenings, free health insurance, and a casual dress environment. Plus that whole making good money thing.

I do have an appointment with agency #4 tomorrow. I think this one deals mainly with temporary assignments, but I'm going to hope they'll have a permanent placement to offer me.

Although now is the time to stress if there ever were one, I'm doing my best to not stress too much.

I've always been the sort who refuses to spend her life worrying about this and that and such. Sure, worry about what needs to be worried about. But I refuse to let it affect every aspect of my life.

So ... I'm going to let Hoss out of his kennel and play tug of war with him and his new blanket (Hoss loves him some blankets).

And if someone calls, it can go to voice mail and I'll get it when we're done.

Selling my soul ...

At least that's what it feels like.

I broke down Friday and submitted my resume to a local call center. I know a couple people that work there and the money is really good and the health insurance is free and it is M - F daytime hours.

But it's a call center.

This is what I get for not finishing college. And now that I'm a grown-up with grown-up bills, I can't afford to forsake the full time pay to go to school. Even tuition reimbursement wouldn't do much as you still have to pay for the classes up front and then wait for your money to be reimbursed, which never happens before the next sessions start.

I've yet to find a scholarship program that's aimed at adults only, I don't qualify for any type of federal aide due to mine and my husband's salaries, and I abhor the thought of taking out a student loan.

But something's gotta give, as they say.

Because working in customer service sucks. Really. I can tell you with no amount of exaggeration that people have changed for the worse over the last 15 years. People no longer hesitate to yell and curse at the faceless entity on the other end of the line, some even making pretty nasty personal comments about the person trying to help them (note: sometimes when you're put on hold, the phone is just muted and we can still hear everything you're saying). And having been on the receiving end, I can also tell you that it's absolutely undeserved 99.99% of the time.

And apologizing after you've already spewed your vile hate doesn't even come close to making up for it.

So ... I'm about to start their online testing process.

I can't put into words how upsetting it is and how defeated I feel.

Back on line ...

We now have a new water heater and hot water.

We thought it might have been a bad seal, but Patrick discovered a crack in the actual tank just under the connection. There was a ton of sediment in the bottom of the tank and it wouldn't even drain when he tried. So the water heater was kaput.

No warranty as it was purchased in 1997 and had a 9 yr warranty. Dernit.

But we do have a new one and it's in place and working. My husband is the awesome.

My dad never did come out. I finally called him around 1pm and that's when he said he wasn't coming out. Nice way to call and let me know.


I haven't heard back from the interview yet. I'm hoping he calls today. That would rock.

Just in case, though, I have yet another appointment with yet another agency on Wednesday. This agency does all of the temp / direct hire for this place, so I'm hopeful to at least get something temporary through them.

Today will be laundry and dishes and floor mopping.

Ya know .... things you need hot water for.

Good morning ...

Patrick went to the basement to look for a coding book he bought and hollered up the stairs ...

Sweetie, we have a problem.

Our laundry room was flooded.

It took us a few minutes to figure out where it was coming from (I have a Nyquil hangover and am pretty useless) and discovered a leak in the supply line connection to our water heater.

My dad is on his way to take a look at it and we'll be checking with the manufacturer and our home owner's insurance to see what, if anything, is covered.

And we still haven't found Patrick's book.

Maybe finally ...

I think my interview went well. It's always hard to say, but I think I may have a shot at this one.

If I did well, I should be called back for a second interview fairly soon. But I'm hoping the regional manager will look at my resume and say "If you like her, I'm ok with it". Ya know - based solely on my resume and the manager's preference.

Although what I really wanted was for him to say "You're hired!" right there in his office.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed.

Earlier this morning I was thinking how easy this period seemed to be. Yes, it's still the tyrant it always is. But it just seemed shorter and less painful or something.

Then my uterus decided to remind me who's really in charge.

And it isn't me.

Tuesday catch-up ...

I have another interview tomorrow. This one was through an add on craigslist.

But I did learn my lesson - if the e-mail address ends in @gmail, you'll always be sent a link to a place to fill out your name & address, then get 3 pages of "do you want info on ..." questions.

Then you never hear from anyone. Ever.

I've even run across those on our newspaper's job site. With the company name always "confidential".

This one had a real e-mail address, though. And since I sent my resume last week, I'd completely forgotten I'd even sent it.

Yesterday afternoon's phone call was kind of like finding $5 in your jeans pocket - a pleasant surprise after the let-down at the agency.

We haven't received our kitchen table set yet and tomorrow is 6 wks. Last week they said it had an eta of the end of the week, but I never heard from anyone.

I'll be calling them when they open at 10am.

I'm also hoping to have my ring back at the end of this week. The store said they always ask we allow up to 4 weeks, but the manager at Tacori was having them send it to her attention and she told me to expect a turn-around of 10 business days.

Which would be this Friday.

Although 10 business days is kind of ambitious, if you ask me.

Edit 11:30 am:

So now the table is on back order. Which is not what I was told when I ordered it or the last 2 times I spoke with them in the last 2 weeks.

Now I'm being told it may be another 3 - 6 weeks.

And that store is a franchise. Which means the corporate company can't help.

I'm currently waiting for the ordering office's manager to call me back with more information.

Because, as I explained to her, this is absolutely unacceptable.


Edit 11:45 am:

The manager called me back - they're estimating the tables will be available around mid-November.

Estimating around that date.

Her manager has offered the options of waiting (with a clearly stated lack of gaurantee mid-November really will be the delivery date) or getting a refund. And since we paid cash, we'll have to get a refund check. Which will take 10 - 14 days to receive.

I opted to cancel the order and get our money back. Even if we were to be given the same deal - a different table w/2 free chairs - we'd still be looking at another 3 - 6 weeks (at the least, apparently).

To say I'm pissed would be an understatement.

Another appointment ...

I have another appointment with a headhunter this morning.

Gah.

This will be headhunter #3.

But I'm going to go and take the myriad of tests (I even clipped my nails to make sure they won't get in the way of the typing test) and then probably be told (again) "well, I have this job for $7 an hour" ...

The Classified section of the news paper was pitiful. You know it's bad when most of the job listings are for truck drivers.

But I did e-mail my resume to a few places yesterday and an application and another copy of my resume are ready to be mailed. So as long as you don't count the other 100+ people sending their resumes as well, it wasn't all bad.

There were a couple of interesting jobs at a company the next town over that I applied for, but we'll see. I've applied for a few other things with them and never heard a word, so I'm not terribly optimistic. But I refuse to give up - maybe they'll hire me just to get me to stop sending them my resume.

My period started yesterday. 31 days from the last one. That's almost a real cycle.

Edit 11:22am:

Ok - change that "we have something for $7 an hour" to "we don't have anything right now, but ...".

Blah.

Yummy goodness ...

I did finish the cleaning, in case anyone was worried.

And it's funny how quickly money goes. Really. But it was nice to not have to count every single penny since it was, technically, found money. And no, I didn't overspend so money that needed to be in my account is still there.

Go me.

Yesterday I made lasagna for the first time. Marty and Alan came over for dinner and fun was had by all. Plus lots of food.

We also picked up some yummies from this place. I had heard really good things about them and looked at them for our wedding cake, but their cake prices were pretty high. So yesterday was the first time I ever actually ate anything from there.

We picked up a 10 pack of their Deluxe mini cupcakes and a package of what they call Crumb Bums - pieces of un-used cake from cakes they had to sculpt.

Oh. my. fucking. God.

And this is coming from someone who generally does not like cake. So much so that I always get a pan of brownies for my birthday instead of birthday cake.

Not anymore!

No more normal store bought cakes for this broad. Nope. If I want a cake and don't have $25 - $45 to spend on one of theirs, I can pick up a container of Crumb Bums for $3 and pick my way to sweetness heaven.

All future birthday or other celebration type cakes will be coming from them.

And that's an order.

I had plans ...

To do laundry and mop floors.

But I was sidetracked.

I had put my wedding dress on craigslist a couple of weeks ago and someone wanted it. Badly.

Well - there was another someone first, another someone who didn't call like she said she would. And it's people like that who wonder why you won't hold something a few weeks for them pffft.

Anyway ...

I received an e-mail about my dress last night and again this morning and she wasn't kidding around. The woman wanted it.

So I trekked it out and met with her. I gave her the dress (I did take it out of the bag so she could really see it for sure) and she gave me monies.

I headed to the bank to deposit some of it, thinking of the stuff I needed to pick up with the rest (like decent shampoo and conditioner). But my sense of instant gratification took hold and I went to get my hair cut instead.

Nothing fancy by some high dollar hairdresser, but definitely not a family cuts type of deal. But it was still just $25 and it was much needed.

And I do have plenty left in hand to get a few of the things we need.

There's still plenty of daylight left (it's not even 1pm, after all), so it's not like the whole day is wasted.

I'm just not as motivated now as I was at 8:00 this morning.

Funny how that works.

Still looking ...

So I've turned into a craigslist employment stalker.

If it weren't for Jaded and a local friend both saying they had an interview from a craigslist posting, I'd think they were all scams to trick you into getting online college and insurance information.

But there are almost daily postings, so I keep checking back. As in ... at least 30 times a day.

Yeah ... I wish I were kidding.


I'm hoping we'll have our kitchen table set sometime today or tomorrow. I called to check on the status and the woman said it shows a delivery date of this week. That won't be delivery to our house, but to their distribution center here in Knoxville. We opted to pay only for them to put the pieces together and then we'll pick it up. Delivery to our home would have been another $50. And since we'd spend a lot less than that in gas to pick it up, we saw no reason to have them deliver it.

Anyway ...

It would be awesome to have it today or tomorrow. Especially since I'm attempting lasagna for the first time this weekend and we have a few friends coming over.

It'd rock if we all had a place to sit that didn't involve a couch or a begging dog.

Will you hire me?

This whole maybe I was fired because the job for me is right around the corner thing? Yeah .. that's not working out so much.

I've been applying for things left and right. I've even started e-mailing about jobs on craigslist. That's how much I've been trying to get hired.

Shit ... I'd settle for interviewed at this point.

There isn't any news on the adoption front.

Patrick still hasn't filled out any of his paperwork.

I haven't gathered any of the additional documentation we'll need.

I don't feel comfortable going through the meetings with my not working and our not having medical insurance. Even if she did say we could look at it as a temporary thing for now.

I want to be gainfully employed and again covered by insurance before we get to the heart of the home study. I don't want any lingering doubts about our financials and ability to take care of a child, so I'm holding back on it.

But when I am? Oh but the pressure will be on hah

Just days away ...

Sore boobs: Check

Acne: Check

Constant urge to eat whatever can't outrun me: Check

Yes, her highness is on her way.

Lawnmower: 1 Humans: 0

Remember the neighbor's garage sale in which we bought a riding lawnmower?

It's one of these, with a 30 inch cutting base. A decent lawnmower that's still in great condition. Not sure exactly how old it is, but it was obviously kept in the garage as there's absolutely not rust. Either way, we got an awesome deal at just $150.

Anyway ...

I went to use it on Friday and couldn't get it to start. It should be simple - turn the key to on and pull the chord.

But it wouldn't fire up. And seeing as I'm not exactly Hercules, I figured it was just that I wasn't able to pull the chord hard enough.

So Patrick tried when he got home. Several times.

Yesterday morning, Saturday, we tried several more times. Patrick took things apart and put them back together. He cursed and grumbled at spending money for something that didn't work.

Although, in the neighbor's defense, I saw the guy mowing his lawn with it, he drove it right up our driveway, and Patrick started it again with no problem and drove it into the backyard and into the shed. So it was working when we took possession of it.

He even removed the ignition thing and took it to a local Snapper dealer, who said there wasn't anything wrong with it.

When we got home, I made him leave. Really. He was grumpy and irritable and pissed with a capitol P. Which I understood. But he was beginning to ruin my day as well and I wasn't having it. His brother was working nearby and had offered to come help look at it, but that would be a few hours away still. So I shooed him off to visit his brother.

When he and his brother showed up a few hours later, they repeated all of it. They broke that lawnmower down and both cursed and became frustrated.

Then his brother asked ... does this thing have a parking break?

Why yes, yes it does.

Patrick climbed on, pushed the break and slid this little metal bar to the side.

Pulled the chord.

And the mower fired right up on the first try.

When I heard the mower, I went outside - excited and relieved that it was working.

When they told me about the break, I said ... I remember reading something like that on the mower. On. the. mower.

And there it was - on a large white sticker with black text, at the very top - Before starting your mower ...

I even remember reading it when I was trying and I did play with that little bar (everything else is marked, so that'd be the only thing that could be the parking break), but didn't know you had to push the break pedal in to get it to stay. And when it wouldn't stay, I figured it was some sort bar that really didn't do anything.

So our mower is working and I plan on giving the lawn what will probably be its last cut of the season.

And Patrick owes our neighbor an apology.

Birthday party purge ...

After the drama of yesterday, my head spend the next several hours pounding. It's much better now, thanks.



My nephew's first birthday is coming up. His older sister's birthday was the other day. So my step-sister planned a joint birthday party for them. Double joy.

Guess who's not going?

I was laying in bed last night and it popped into my head. This child's birthday. The one who's birthday is only a few days away from my own expected due date. The one I have yet to hold.

But it popped into my head after another thought ... kind of on the tail end of it. I'll explain ...

My step-mom has been in my life since I was literally a couple years old. Our family moved in next door to hers. She and my mom were best friends for years (no, I'm not kidding). No, she didn't cause their divorce - she was married herself and for more years than my own parents. I'm just saying ... she's been a parent type figure for me my entire life.

She and my dad started dating a couple of years after their respective divorces (that ended her and my mom's friendship, of course). I was probably about 9 or so.

My dad moved in with her a year or so later. I know they were living together by the time I was in middle school and I started middle school at 11. So 9 or 10 ... somewhere in that ballpark.

Anyway ...

The first Christmas they were living together was when our family tradition of how to celebrate Christmas started. I was there Christmas Eve until around 9 or 10, then my dad would take me home and I'd wake up and spend Christmas Day with my mom. It was like that throughout the rest of my childhood and has continued today - all of us kids congregate at my dad & step-mom's on Christmas Eve (now the siblings bring their kids and, yes, one even has grandkids she tows along) and then do our own family's Christmas on Christmas Day.

Back to that first Christmas ...

On Christmas Day, amidst the mayhem at my house, my step-mom calls to wish me a merry Christmas. And to tell me that Santa apparently got confused which house I'd be at because he left me a stocking at theirs.

Now, mind you, I was older and had known about santa for years (I caught my parents in a santa related gift fib when I was like 7). So it wasn't like I was this little kid who believed with all of their heart. But I was excited all the same. I mean ... who doesn't like getting 2 stockings of candy and goodies?!?

And that was a tradition until the Christmas after I turned 18. Every Christmas morning, she would call and it'd be the same line - Santa was confused again and left a stocking.

As a child and a teen, it was fun.

As an adult, I realized how much more than that it was.

It meant I was accepted and, more importantly, wanted. And it spoke volumes more as the meaning behind it than what the stockings contained.

I keep meaning to tell her this. How much it really meant to me that she would do this year after year.

And last night, this is the initial thought that started it all.

I really need to find a time to tell her. It'd do no good to talk about it after she's gone (no, she's not sick. But ya know ... you never know).

That's when the birthday party popped into my head. And my own miscarriage. And the fact that we were living with them at the time.

And that's when the anger reared its head.

Anger at having to be surrounded by baby stuff and happy baby talk while I continually mourned the loss of ours. Anger at her tell us how excited her new son-in-law was at their 6 wk ultrasound while I sat on the couch, still bleeding from our miscarriage. Anger at the complete lack of understanding and, worse, her failing to even attempt to.

Anger at that baby being brought up in (and I'm not kidding) every conversation we have.

I need to 1) separate the two and 2) let it the fuck go.

But I'm struggling with it. I want to not be angry with them anymore. At all. I want to reach the point where I can shrug and say ... it was what it was and now it's done. And mean it.

I'm finding that I can't.

And deep down I know it's not my step-sister's fault (although part of me wants to blame her for getting pregnant at the same time and having the nerve to deliver a healthy baby). And it certainly isn't the baby's fault.

So, as a daughter, I seem to continually assign the anger I may feel at those two at my dad and step-mom. Because if we're being honest, it's not pretty to be angry at someone simply because of their ability to do what my body fails at.

And it's surely not pretty to hold the wand of jealousy and self-centeredness, wondering why on earth she thought it a great idea to try and get pregnant when she knew I was (yet again) cycling.

But I'm not angry with her. It sounds like it, I'm sure. But I'm not. I can't blame her for wanting to have a baby with her new husband. I can't blame her for her body doing what it should. And I can't blame her as she never flaunted it. She actually was far more careful about the discussions she had around me for the first few months after my miscarraige than my dad & step-mom were.

It seems that I'm rambling. But I needed to throw this out to the universe before it ate me up even more.

I want to get past the anger at them. I want to be able to thank her for what she did for me with a clear heart, without any of the last year and 1/2 coming to the surface.

I'm just not sure how.

Say what?

I took my ring to the jeweler's to drop it off for the prong resetting.

And I brought it right back home.

Not because it's good as new. Oh no.

Because the jeweler suggested we either pull out our receipt or contact the place of purchase (who closed their local office a couple years ago) to verify our original order.

Let me back up a bit ...

When I took it in a couple weeks ago, the jeweler and the retailer (the actual owner guy) both had several questions about my setting.

They both asked who set the main stone, saying they don't believe Tacori did. They both asked how long I had to wait to have it delivered (about 6 weeks). They both commented on the design, how a few things didn't seem right and wondered if the jeweler had made any adjustments to it.

I didn't give it much thought. The ring stands a bit high and I bump it on something at least every couple of days. And platinum being a softer metal, it will show some wear over time.

So fast forward to this morning ...

The store guy (not the owner I spoke with before) had my ring with the jeweler for probably a good 10 minutes.

He said they could clean it up, smooth out some edges and reset a few prongs.

But that both are fairly secure in the knowledge that our original jeweler sold us a knock-off.

Yes ... a fake Tacori that they designed to look like the original we paid a couple grand for.

This is me ... stunned. And pointing out that it looks almost (note I say almost as there are a few minor differences) just like the one on the Tacori site.

The jeweler said that it happens sometimes - a customer will order a ring and that the jeweler will take a similar ring and hand design it to look like the one that was ordered. Essentially selling us a fake ring that costs a fraction of what we paid.

He pulled a couple of their Tacori rings from the display and showed me the stamp inside the band. Much like the one inside mine.

But only at a quick glance. When you use one of those magnifying things to take a closer look, you can see huge differences between the two. Theirs is stamped - clean and clear and set lower than the ridge of the band. Mine isn't - it's almost barely ledgible and set even with the band.

He pointed out a few other differences and problems with it that I hadn't noticed (because it's not like I've ever worked in jewelry store). All leading them to believe my ring isn't really a Tacori.

We've moved twice since ordering my ring. I have no idea where our original receipt is and it's not in the few boxes we still have packed that has paperwork.

Fast forward to 5 minutes ago ...

Tacori (whose number I dug up) returned my call and allayed my fears.

She explained that some signatures are stamped, but others are engraved. If the band is more narrow (which mine is), their signature will be hand engraved and not stamped. And that more narrow bands do require more detailed hand crafting. She was able to confirm it even more when I gave her the style number.

She verified that the retailer we purchased it through has been an authorised dealer of theirs since 1998 and said they're considered a very trustworthy retailer.

She also suggested I send the ring to them for refurbishment and cleaning instead of having the jewelry store do it. And Because Tacori has a lifetime warranty on their rings, the only thing I should have to pay for is the shipping.

On top of that, the very nice woman is also going to call the jeweler I visited and have them call me to bring the ring in and have them ship it to Tacori for me.

She even went so far as to apologize for the alarmist attitude of the store, saying they should have just offered to send it to Tacori and take it from there. Then, if there really was a problem, it could have been addressed rather than have me here, at home, freaking out and going through boxes like a woman possessed.

So ... I have a stress headache, but I feel better.

And I just hung up with the jeweler who called to let me know I can bring the ring in anytime before 7pm.

Strangetown, we have a problem ...

So the whole Sims transfer thing didn't work out well. I could never get one family to open at all and the family that did open moved horribly slow.

I know what I'm going to have to do and I really don't want to.

Not only will I have to reinstall all of the expansion packs, but I'll need to also make sure the colleges, business districts, and vacation destinations are assigned exactly the same on this one as on the other computer. Otherwise I run the risk of the people themselves not being placed right when I unpackage them (for example: If I have one college assigned on his and another on this one, the students I have in college for that neighborhood won't be assigned right and they won't work).

Then I'll be able to use the game to package the sims themselves, save them to disk, and then unpackage them into the game on my computer. That will be the least time consuming part, taking only a few minutes.

The rest of the endeavor? Yeah ... that whole first part will take a few hours.

You (all 2 of you) probably think I'm a tad nuts for it, but I have more than a year invested in these digitized people and I'm not letting go without a fight.

It's going to have to wait until this weekend, though. I can't get into Patrick's computer when he's not home, so I can't start until I have him on hand.


I'm going to take my ring in today to have it fixed. I hope they won't keep it too long. I'm one of those who only takes off her ring to put on hand lotion and then it goes right back on. So not having it is going to be very strange.

Plus I'm sure I'll have many mini-freakouts as I suddenly realize it's not there and momentarily wonder where I left it.

Homecoming ...

I am happy to welcome my Sims2 families back.

I went through each neighborhood to check and see who was where and make sure it worked the way it should.

The thing I forget is how many times I had to uninstall the game. Which means some of the families I remembered weren't there.

Sadness.

But the ones that are there are ones I spent over a year cultivating and growing and I'm just as happy to have them back.

There's only one small snag that I've found so far - one of my families is in both their normal neighborhood and the college neighborhood associated with it. I'm not sure how that happened or what that'll mean for them, but I figure I'll just play the one in the regular neighborhood and leave the one in the college alone.

It's nice to have already existing families - ones I'm very familiar with - to play as opposed to having to create new ones from scratch. That would be why I haven't played for months. All of my games and families were on a different computer and I hate creating new ones after getting attached to others.

So welcome home!

I haven't heard back from either job I submitted my resume to this week. The job market here sucks so much ass right now.

Patrick has offered to pay for the repairs to my ring as an anniversary gift. Which excites me. I love my ring and hate the thought of it being damaged and losing a stone. And then being stuck having to pay out the nose to replace the stone and fix the ring. I'll be taking it to the jeweler in the next couple of days.

And now ... without further ado ...

I'm off to reaquaint myself with my Sims.

** Or not ...

There seems to be a larger problem.

One family won't open. It acts like it's going to, but then it just sputters with the turning hourglass. The only way to get out of it is to ctrl alt dlt out of the game entirely.

I checked another family and it opens just fine. It even prompted me with game tips for Free Time.

I'm going to need to go family by family and see who will and who won't open.

Chances are high that I'll have to uninstall all of the games on this computer, reinstall up to Free Time, package only my sims on Patrick's computer then let the packager put them where they need to be on mine, and then install Free Time on top.

Everything but the stories (the sims themselves) and Free Time are identical between the computers, so I'm not sure where the problem is. But there is one.

All caught up ...

I don't like getting dramatic. And sometimes I feel like discussing our miscarriage is just that - me being dramatic - even though I know it's not.

But yesterday's post was was needed. It had been in my head for some time now, especially with my nephew's 1st birthday party coming up this weekend.

And no ... I don't think I'll be going. My family, once again, won't understand. But that's their problem.

Now ... onto other, lighter, topics ...

* Our dining table set should arrive sometime late this week or early next. Yay!

* I'm out of the ssscat spray (I absolutely love that video hah) and Daniel has been attacking our bedroom door with regularity again. Which has me up and down several times a day, saying "Get away from the door".

* East Tennessee is officially welcoming autumn, my fave season, with much cooler temperatures. Today is supposed to be a high of 68 before we swing back into the upper 70's.

The outside dogs, Hoss and Pearl, are loving this weather. They're like animals at the zoo - all tired and sluggish during the high heat of summer and alert and frisky when the temps go down.

Which means more barking and more wanting out of their kennels to run the yard.

Except Hoss managed to drag a garbage bag around our deck, open it without even a tooth mark (no idea how he did that), and was discovered with half his body in it when I went outside. When he heard me and finally moved his head (as I tried to wrestle the bag around his 120lb frame), he was covered in coffee grounds.

I wish I had my camera with me.

So he's stuck until tomorrow.

* I have barely played Sims2 since being off work, but all of my families are on Patrick's hard drive and not mine. I installed the game and the expansion packs (I have all but the most recent one) on this one and created a couple of famlies, but it's not the same and I found myself getting frustrated and bored.

So last night I informed him that I want to back them up off his and install them on mine. I want my families back.


And now you're all caught up.

Raw nerves ...

I recently had the opportunity to participate in a book review for Books In Every Room. The book being reviewed is An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination: A Memoir.

It is true that we lost our daughter early, at only 7 weeks. Some will call us lucky that it was so early in the pregnancy. Hell, I call us lucky sometimes. I know how much we loved her that early on and can't imagine how much more painful it would have been weeks or months later.

But, as with so many of us in this struggle, there was so much more.

She was the light at the end of a long tunnel of injections and ultrasounds, prayers and tears. She was the reason I seemed to suddenly crave bacon in the mornings. She was the cause of jokes about increasing the size of already large breasts and my utter exhaustion.

She was also our child.

I try very hard to not think about our miscarriage. And when I do, it's more in the abstract form than the specifics.

The specifics involve diving into a blood-filled toilet, trying to grasp a shred of uterine lining to take to the doctor's office.

And, instead, coming up with the full amniotic sac. Seeing her budding arms and legs, and the roundess of her still not fully formed head, all floating in the liquid that was meant to nurture and protect her.

The specifics involve standing in the bathroom, our child in the palm of my hand, and wondering what I was supposed to do next.

The specifics involve watching a close family member going through her own pregnancy, 2 weeks behind ours, while listening to everyone gush and laugh over how big she'd get.

The specifics involve my brother-in-law asking me for our baby name book while I sat in a recliner, still bleeding from the loss of our child.

The specifics involve wondering which personality or physical trait she would have gotten from us. Would she have Patrick's fair coloring or my more olive complexion? Would she be patient like him or have my more easily flaired temper?

The specifics involve still not having even touched the nephew who was born just days after our own estimated due date. It's been almost a year since he was born.

These are all things I try so desperately hard not to think about. Because it's easier when I don't. Even almost 2 years after our loss, these specifics only leave me sour and angry.

So abstracts are what I think of - we were pregnant and then we weren't. It keeps me from having to fully explain - or feel - the full weight of our experience.

And I've learned that even though we made the decision to stop treatments and adopt and are, for once, confident we will be parents, it doesn't erase what my heart misses.

Not even close.