On the way to the airport a week ago today, my best friend, Christie, commented on how the really sad part is that now everyone would get back to their lives.
Old friends were flying home (myself included), back to their other halves and / or their kids, their homes, their pets, their jobs ... their lives.
And life will go on.
The sun comes up, the stores open, your bills still have to be paid, and people go about their days as though nothing in the world has changed.
That doesn't mean I won't miss my friend for the rest of my life, but life moves forward.
It has to.
*****
In a related story ...
We've lost another.
I wasn't close to him and we didn't keep in touch after high school, but damn ...
*****
In an un-related story ...
I have work news. Nothing I can share right now, but hopefully soon.
*****
In a related to the un-related story story ...
I'm training a new person. She's a temp, so I have no urge to stab her in the eye.
*****
I'm pretty well convinced the stomach pain is an ulcer.
I've been downing generic Zantac most nights and have slept like a ... well ... like a really tired person.
There was one night I forgot to take a couple. I remembered as soon as I woke up at midnight in absolute agony.
Zantac will not help a gallbladder attack (the other possibility). The pain was gone within a half hour.
*****
Speaking of sleeping like a really tired person ...
The spray for the ssscat sprayer is empty and I've been too lazy to get a refill.
And instead of fighting Daniel off the door, we've let him bunk with us the last few nights.
If you ever want to see a cat OD on happiness, refusing to lay still for more than 10 seconds, let him sleep in with you for the first time in a year.
Yeah ... I don't sleep until that cat falls over from exhaustion.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Kicking ...
Little by little, as Jaded said.
So today's little is brought to you by the refusal to post about it today. Maybe tomorrow. But today my brain and heart need a break.
....
What I haven't talked about were the plane rides.
I'm use to large jets. 757's. Big. Sturdy.
What I took was a 'regional jet' the size of a soup can. No propellers, though, thank God. Just a much smaller (as in, 3 seats wide) jet that gets beat to shit and back by the atmospheric changes while climbing and descending.
Lots of herky jerky, side to side, and up and down movements. Really. I was positive the things were going to shake themselves apart.
Never. Again. I'm sure those things are just as safe, but they don't feel like it.
****
In other news ...
The baby birds are gone.
I found the tree toppled over this morning and the bottom 1/2 of a baby bird not far away.
I've since come across one more baby bird (seemingly untouched but dead) and confirmed the nest was empty. That leaves 2 baby birds missing.
Either that cat was seriously hungry or (hope upon hope) they scampered under the deck during the massacre.
Edit 4/25:
I discovered that 1 baby bird has survived!
While sitting on our deck last night, I saw one of the birds doing this really spastic flight pattern around an area of our back yard. I thought maybe it was a baby and got all excited. Then I saw it with something wiggly in its beak. It was the momma bird. She went from the fence, to this wheelbarrel we have, and then to the ground by our shed. Where I saw a small brown thing hop over to her.
So yay for a hopping, still alive baby bird!
*****
It appears I have an ulcer.
Over the last couple of months, I've woken up a handful of times in the middle of the night in horrible pain. Just under my breast bone, between where my ribs end.
Always the middle of the night. Always this god awful pain.
But it usually only lasts maybe 30 - 45 minutes.
Wednesday night was the worst. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep (ask me about the sock in our bedroom door sometime) and even thought for a bit that maybe I should wake Patrick up for a trip to the ER.
Then I wondered, while bending over and holding my breath to see if that'd make it any better, if it's an ulcer.
I looked up the symptoms yesterday morning and most of them matched perfectly (apparently some people feel pain immediately after eating, while others not until several hours later and usually in the middle of the night). My step-mom, who's a registered nurse, said the same thing when I talked to her later in the afternoon.
So I picked up a package of generic Zantac to start taking nightly before bed.
Because I'm so not going to put up with that kind of pain.
So today's little is brought to you by the refusal to post about it today. Maybe tomorrow. But today my brain and heart need a break.
....
What I haven't talked about were the plane rides.
I'm use to large jets. 757's. Big. Sturdy.
What I took was a 'regional jet' the size of a soup can. No propellers, though, thank God. Just a much smaller (as in, 3 seats wide) jet that gets beat to shit and back by the atmospheric changes while climbing and descending.
Lots of herky jerky, side to side, and up and down movements. Really. I was positive the things were going to shake themselves apart.
Never. Again. I'm sure those things are just as safe, but they don't feel like it.
****
In other news ...
The baby birds are gone.
I found the tree toppled over this morning and the bottom 1/2 of a baby bird not far away.
I've since come across one more baby bird (seemingly untouched but dead) and confirmed the nest was empty. That leaves 2 baby birds missing.
Either that cat was seriously hungry or (hope upon hope) they scampered under the deck during the massacre.
Edit 4/25:
I discovered that 1 baby bird has survived!
While sitting on our deck last night, I saw one of the birds doing this really spastic flight pattern around an area of our back yard. I thought maybe it was a baby and got all excited. Then I saw it with something wiggly in its beak. It was the momma bird. She went from the fence, to this wheelbarrel we have, and then to the ground by our shed. Where I saw a small brown thing hop over to her.
So yay for a hopping, still alive baby bird!
*****
It appears I have an ulcer.
Over the last couple of months, I've woken up a handful of times in the middle of the night in horrible pain. Just under my breast bone, between where my ribs end.
Always the middle of the night. Always this god awful pain.
But it usually only lasts maybe 30 - 45 minutes.
Wednesday night was the worst. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep (ask me about the sock in our bedroom door sometime) and even thought for a bit that maybe I should wake Patrick up for a trip to the ER.
Then I wondered, while bending over and holding my breath to see if that'd make it any better, if it's an ulcer.
I looked up the symptoms yesterday morning and most of them matched perfectly (apparently some people feel pain immediately after eating, while others not until several hours later and usually in the middle of the night). My step-mom, who's a registered nurse, said the same thing when I talked to her later in the afternoon.
So I picked up a package of generic Zantac to start taking nightly before bed.
Because I'm so not going to put up with that kind of pain.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I woke up this morning looking like I'd gone rounds in the boxing ring.
My eyelids are impossibly swollen from 3 days of crying.
And I have no doubt I'm nowhere near done.
The service was ...
Christie and I were among the first to arrive, about 10 minutes before it was to start. We sat in the car and watched the rain, neither of us wanting to go inside, until it was time.
The room was full of chairs, of course, but there were posterboards spread around the front of the room with pictures of Frank throughout his life. Pictures from his childhood on up through Easter just a few weeks ago.
There were a lot of tears. A lot.
There was also a lot of laughter as more and more people arrived and started sharing stories.
Those that attended varied greatly - from long-time friends, to students of his, to people he'd never met in person but posted with online. I don't have a head count, of course, but the place was packed.
His mom and dad truly tried to make it a celebration of Frank's life instead of a mourning of his death.
The evening ended with them thanking everyone for coming and encouraging people to come to a microphone to share stories.
And they did. Story after story.
More laughter, more tears.
I didn't want to leave. This was very much a Frank type gathering and you could just feel him in the room with us.
I don't have an eloquent way of ending this (like I ever do, right? hah). I don't have any pearls of wisdom or nuggets of words to offer up.
All I know is that I've lost one of my best friends and I look forward to the day when I can think of him and simply smile without feeling the fresh pain of losing him.
My eyelids are impossibly swollen from 3 days of crying.
And I have no doubt I'm nowhere near done.
The service was ...
Christie and I were among the first to arrive, about 10 minutes before it was to start. We sat in the car and watched the rain, neither of us wanting to go inside, until it was time.
The room was full of chairs, of course, but there were posterboards spread around the front of the room with pictures of Frank throughout his life. Pictures from his childhood on up through Easter just a few weeks ago.
There were a lot of tears. A lot.
There was also a lot of laughter as more and more people arrived and started sharing stories.
Those that attended varied greatly - from long-time friends, to students of his, to people he'd never met in person but posted with online. I don't have a head count, of course, but the place was packed.
His mom and dad truly tried to make it a celebration of Frank's life instead of a mourning of his death.
The evening ended with them thanking everyone for coming and encouraging people to come to a microphone to share stories.
And they did. Story after story.
More laughter, more tears.
I didn't want to leave. This was very much a Frank type gathering and you could just feel him in the room with us.
I don't have an eloquent way of ending this (like I ever do, right? hah). I don't have any pearls of wisdom or nuggets of words to offer up.
All I know is that I've lost one of my best friends and I look forward to the day when I can think of him and simply smile without feeling the fresh pain of losing him.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
While standing in the airport, I realized that the last time I came home was to see my best friend, Christie, and Frank.
I can't put into words how horrible it is to have my return visit home be to stay with one so I can say goodbye to the other.
There was a gathering of a few old friends last night.
It would have been great to spend time with them ... but for the reason we were all there. A chance to get together and remember before the service this afternoon.
Although it wasn't a morbid affair. Frank came up at various times, but I don't think any of us wanted to dwell on the impossibility of what we're about to have to deal with. So we didn't.
One friend showed up late (as in ... after 1am), having left a gathering of another group of friends. Their get together sounded a lot like ours ... a lot of laughter with some somber sprinkled throughout.
Maybe, on another day, I'll go into the complexities of the various groups of friends that surrounded this one person. It doesn't strike me the least bit odd that there were at least 3 groups of people, all who know each other, holding separate gatherings.
But not today.
Today ...
I don't want to face today, truth be told.
I can't put into words how horrible it is to have my return visit home be to stay with one so I can say goodbye to the other.
There was a gathering of a few old friends last night.
It would have been great to spend time with them ... but for the reason we were all there. A chance to get together and remember before the service this afternoon.
Although it wasn't a morbid affair. Frank came up at various times, but I don't think any of us wanted to dwell on the impossibility of what we're about to have to deal with. So we didn't.
One friend showed up late (as in ... after 1am), having left a gathering of another group of friends. Their get together sounded a lot like ours ... a lot of laughter with some somber sprinkled throughout.
Maybe, on another day, I'll go into the complexities of the various groups of friends that surrounded this one person. It doesn't strike me the least bit odd that there were at least 3 groups of people, all who know each other, holding separate gatherings.
But not today.
Today ...
I don't want to face today, truth be told.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
And so it goes ...
Tonight I fly back home to Chicago to attend a service for one of my friends.
This is a friend I've known since childhood, dated after high school, and was one of only 2 people I kept in contact with after I moved to TN 15 years ago.
We hadn't talked in a few months, but that was ok.
It's how a lot of old friendships go - you can go stretches without any contact, but it's as if no time has passed when you talk next. It's the type of connection you can only have with someone you've known for 20+ years (in this case, almost 30). An old, comfortable friendship.
There's something completely different about it, though, when you know the person's gone.
I've been flopping back and forth from ok to not so ok. Fine one moment, crying the next. Patrick's been super supportive and it's made this a bit easier for me.
I'll have to find a way to bring him a pizza from the best pizza place in the world - Giordano's.
People are flying into Chicago from all over the country - some of us are part of that core group of friends from high school, others are people he met only online who were touched by his amazing intelligence, wicked humor, and kind heart.
From what I can tell, there is likely to be at least a couple hundred people showing up at his wake on Tuesday. I can google his name and find several sites mentioning his passing, with pages of replies and memories of their own.
I can't think of a worse reason to return home for the first time in several years.
RIP Frank.
This is a friend I've known since childhood, dated after high school, and was one of only 2 people I kept in contact with after I moved to TN 15 years ago.
We hadn't talked in a few months, but that was ok.
It's how a lot of old friendships go - you can go stretches without any contact, but it's as if no time has passed when you talk next. It's the type of connection you can only have with someone you've known for 20+ years (in this case, almost 30). An old, comfortable friendship.
There's something completely different about it, though, when you know the person's gone.
I've been flopping back and forth from ok to not so ok. Fine one moment, crying the next. Patrick's been super supportive and it's made this a bit easier for me.
I'll have to find a way to bring him a pizza from the best pizza place in the world - Giordano's.
People are flying into Chicago from all over the country - some of us are part of that core group of friends from high school, others are people he met only online who were touched by his amazing intelligence, wicked humor, and kind heart.
From what I can tell, there is likely to be at least a couple hundred people showing up at his wake on Tuesday. I can google his name and find several sites mentioning his passing, with pages of replies and memories of their own.
I can't think of a worse reason to return home for the first time in several years.
RIP Frank.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Searching ...
... for super cheap round-trip tickets home.
... for more information that's painfully slow in coming.
... for a place in my mind where images and memories aren't bombarding.
... for the words I'll need to use when I say goodbye to a lifelong friend.
... for more information that's painfully slow in coming.
... for a place in my mind where images and memories aren't bombarding.
... for the words I'll need to use when I say goodbye to a lifelong friend.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Nope .. no witty ...
The bird nest, you ask?
Why yes, it is now full of teeny tiny, wide mouthed babies.
I noticed the lady bird never left her nest. And I checked on her - leaning over, a few feet from the tree, looking for her beady black eye. Daily, I checked.
Today, no lady bird.
When I ventured closer to get a look inside the nest, wondering if she abandoned her eggs, I was rewarded with the sight of brown, feathery lumps.
A bit later, Patrick and I took another look. As soon as they heard sound, their heads whipped up and their mouths opened.
No sound yet. Just gaping maws waiting for foodstuffs.
I was able to count 4 at first glance.
I'm all excited.
*****
Last night I was thinking about God.
And me.
Me and God.
I've gone over my base belief here before - God doesn't grant / make things happen. He's not the great wish granter in the sky. Things happen and God's there for when they do (good or bad).
Yet despite believing how I've always believed, I still find myself bargaining, asking, sometimes begging, for things to happen, not to happen, work out, etc ...
I wonder why.
It doesn't change things - I still believe what I believe. But it strikes me as odd that I sometimes do it anyway.
Maybe it's like a child asking the parent to be allowed to stay up later - first you nonchalantly mention it, then you make a more direct comment, move on to flat-out asking, and then ... well ... it goes downhill until it's all over but the shouting.
Anyway ... this was what I was thinking about when I dozed off last night.
*****
Work is going well. I have about another month before I've been there 6 months.
And even though I don't expect it to change the outcome, you know I'm trying to bargain with God to put a good word in for a permanent job with them.
Why yes, it is now full of teeny tiny, wide mouthed babies.
I noticed the lady bird never left her nest. And I checked on her - leaning over, a few feet from the tree, looking for her beady black eye. Daily, I checked.
Today, no lady bird.
When I ventured closer to get a look inside the nest, wondering if she abandoned her eggs, I was rewarded with the sight of brown, feathery lumps.
A bit later, Patrick and I took another look. As soon as they heard sound, their heads whipped up and their mouths opened.
No sound yet. Just gaping maws waiting for foodstuffs.
I was able to count 4 at first glance.
I'm all excited.
*****
Last night I was thinking about God.
And me.
Me and God.
I've gone over my base belief here before - God doesn't grant / make things happen. He's not the great wish granter in the sky. Things happen and God's there for when they do (good or bad).
Yet despite believing how I've always believed, I still find myself bargaining, asking, sometimes begging, for things to happen, not to happen, work out, etc ...
I wonder why.
It doesn't change things - I still believe what I believe. But it strikes me as odd that I sometimes do it anyway.
Maybe it's like a child asking the parent to be allowed to stay up later - first you nonchalantly mention it, then you make a more direct comment, move on to flat-out asking, and then ... well ... it goes downhill until it's all over but the shouting.
Anyway ... this was what I was thinking about when I dozed off last night.
*****
Work is going well. I have about another month before I've been there 6 months.
And even though I don't expect it to change the outcome, you know I'm trying to bargain with God to put a good word in for a permanent job with them.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Flying free ...
My supervisor has wrestled me back to her team full time.
While I love that I'm thought of as versatile and was trusted enough to take on a new position, I am super happy to be back on my home team.
And ... and this is a secret because it wasn't being offered to everyone, so ssshhhh ... I'm being authorized for double time next week.
What that means is ... if I work 7 days (sat through fri), the 7th day will be double time pay.
Or at least part of it. Like ... I can't work 2 hours on Sunday and then have 8 hours on Friday be double time. I think it's basically whatever is worked on Sunday is paid double time.
I think.
Because, as a temp, I've never been able to get double time pay. Only the perms do. Until this week.
Guess who will be putting in a solid 8 - 10 hours between Saturday and Sunday?
Ayup. Me!
Excited.
In other news ... and this is news I'm embarrassed to say out loud ...
We still have our Christmas tree.
You know - that real, live tree I bought just days before Christmas?
Yeah. Only it's not alive anymore (of course), but it's still in its stand and up against the back of our house.
It became one of those "don't forget to take the tree when you go to the farm" ... "Ok" ... tree doesn't move ... sort of things.
And now the tree can't be moved.
Because there's a nest in it. With a Finch in it.
Gah.
I'm stuck with the dead Christmas tree hanging out in my back yard until this bird hatches and raises her young.
Although it will be cute to watch them learn to fly. Well ... minus the part about me chasing Biscuit away from them, that is.
While I love that I'm thought of as versatile and was trusted enough to take on a new position, I am super happy to be back on my home team.
And ... and this is a secret because it wasn't being offered to everyone, so ssshhhh ... I'm being authorized for double time next week.
What that means is ... if I work 7 days (sat through fri), the 7th day will be double time pay.
Or at least part of it. Like ... I can't work 2 hours on Sunday and then have 8 hours on Friday be double time. I think it's basically whatever is worked on Sunday is paid double time.
I think.
Because, as a temp, I've never been able to get double time pay. Only the perms do. Until this week.
Guess who will be putting in a solid 8 - 10 hours between Saturday and Sunday?
Ayup. Me!
Excited.
In other news ... and this is news I'm embarrassed to say out loud ...
We still have our Christmas tree.
You know - that real, live tree I bought just days before Christmas?
Yeah. Only it's not alive anymore (of course), but it's still in its stand and up against the back of our house.
It became one of those "don't forget to take the tree when you go to the farm" ... "Ok" ... tree doesn't move ... sort of things.
And now the tree can't be moved.
Because there's a nest in it. With a Finch in it.
Gah.
I'm stuck with the dead Christmas tree hanging out in my back yard until this bird hatches and raises her young.
Although it will be cute to watch them learn to fly. Well ... minus the part about me chasing Biscuit away from them, that is.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Of work and more surprises ...
The show with Anthony Bourdain was really, really good. The man is smart, funny, and a great talker. He basically talked about his various experiences and some travel for the first hour or so and then opened the theater to a Q&A, with microphones set up front.
I only wish I could have afforded the pricey seats with the meet & greet afterwards (not that there were any of those tickets left. Yes, I checked).
This past week was a busy one.
The whole "shared approach" of my working for both teams? Yeah. That may not work out so well. The pull of two teams with two different systems got super hairy as the week went on. I recognized that time management was going to be an issue and I did better in that area, but the having to switch back and forth (depending on who was at my desk) became pretty frustrating.
I think I'm going to have to set firm limits - let it be known that, yes, I can help you, but, no, not until it's time to work for that team. Otherwise I keep having to stop what I'm doing for one to do something for the other and end up not really accomplishing much for either (which is how my Friday went).
I'm hoping this coming week will run better.
I worked a good bit of overtime (just 8 hours, really) and plan to continue that for as long as they'll offer it.
Because I have more plans for another surprise. Only this one will cost quite a bit more than the Anthony Bourdain tickets.
I grew up listening to Peter, Paul, and Mary. My mom has always been a huge fan of theirs and I, in turn, became one while still little.
Guess who still tours every few months?
Yep.
But the closest venue is in Vienna, VA.
My original plan was to buy the tickets - one each for me, my mom, and my godmother. At only $40 each, I can afford that with a week's worth of overtime.
But ... it's an 8 hour drive.
In the car. With my mom. For at least 8 hours (because the woman can never drive straight through to anywhere).
Yeah ... no.
Giving that some thought led me to think about flying. Priceline, the wonder god of deals, can get me round trip tickets out of Knoxville to DC (about 15 mins from Vienna, VA) for about $130 each. Which, for those not in Knoxville, is a huge savings. Huge.
So that has turned my simple surprise of concert tickets and a road trip for the 3 of us into a larger surprise of the concert tickets PLUS plane tickets.
But I need to have it all bought and paid for by Mother's Day.
So overtime will be the word for the next few weeks. I want to get the tickets when I get paid this coming Thursday and then work massive amounts of overtime over the next couple of weeks and get the plane tickets.
That way I can hand them both envelopes on Mother's Day that will have the tickets for the show and the flights.
The hotel and car rental we'll work out closer to the day and they'll have to pitch in for those. But I still think it'll be the Mother's Day gift to end all Mother's Day gifts.
I only wish I could have afforded the pricey seats with the meet & greet afterwards (not that there were any of those tickets left. Yes, I checked).
This past week was a busy one.
The whole "shared approach" of my working for both teams? Yeah. That may not work out so well. The pull of two teams with two different systems got super hairy as the week went on. I recognized that time management was going to be an issue and I did better in that area, but the having to switch back and forth (depending on who was at my desk) became pretty frustrating.
I think I'm going to have to set firm limits - let it be known that, yes, I can help you, but, no, not until it's time to work for that team. Otherwise I keep having to stop what I'm doing for one to do something for the other and end up not really accomplishing much for either (which is how my Friday went).
I'm hoping this coming week will run better.
I worked a good bit of overtime (just 8 hours, really) and plan to continue that for as long as they'll offer it.
Because I have more plans for another surprise. Only this one will cost quite a bit more than the Anthony Bourdain tickets.
I grew up listening to Peter, Paul, and Mary. My mom has always been a huge fan of theirs and I, in turn, became one while still little.
Guess who still tours every few months?
Yep.
But the closest venue is in Vienna, VA.
My original plan was to buy the tickets - one each for me, my mom, and my godmother. At only $40 each, I can afford that with a week's worth of overtime.
But ... it's an 8 hour drive.
In the car. With my mom. For at least 8 hours (because the woman can never drive straight through to anywhere).
Yeah ... no.
Giving that some thought led me to think about flying. Priceline, the wonder god of deals, can get me round trip tickets out of Knoxville to DC (about 15 mins from Vienna, VA) for about $130 each. Which, for those not in Knoxville, is a huge savings. Huge.
So that has turned my simple surprise of concert tickets and a road trip for the 3 of us into a larger surprise of the concert tickets PLUS plane tickets.
But I need to have it all bought and paid for by Mother's Day.
So overtime will be the word for the next few weeks. I want to get the tickets when I get paid this coming Thursday and then work massive amounts of overtime over the next couple of weeks and get the plane tickets.
That way I can hand them both envelopes on Mother's Day that will have the tickets for the show and the flights.
The hotel and car rental we'll work out closer to the day and they'll have to pitch in for those. But I still think it'll be the Mother's Day gift to end all Mother's Day gifts.
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