Yeah yeah yeah ...

And so it's that time of the ... can't really say 'month', now can I? That time of the 6 - 7 weeks? Yeah ... doesn't exactly fit, either.

So ... rant on ...

I apologize in advance for what I'm about to say. Just know that if you read me or I read you, this isn't meant for you. So please don't be offended. Or ... be offended, just not for very long.

ok ... here goes ...

Why in the fuck does someone think I care that their toddler woke them up at 3am? Or that their other toddler insists on watching this show vs that show before going to bed? Or how this one likes to sleep with the blanket over his face while the other one likes to sleep on the floor? Why?

Sorry to say, but I don't. I don't care and I'm tired of having to listen to it every. single. day.

Really. I'd love to be able to, just once, turn my head and say "So?"

Hateful, true. But there it is.

I hate having my period. I know I've said it before (many, many times) and I'm sure people are probably tired of hearing it (kinda like the woman I referred to above?).

It's just this ugly (and messy and painful) reminder of what my body can't do.

And it's so different now than it was before our miscarriage. Not physically, no. But mentally? Yeah. Just that much harder.

Before it was just what my body couldn't seem to do.

Now it's that plus what my body took away from us.

Fucker.

Ok ... enough self pity ...

I have another session of bridesmaids dress shopping tomorrow. Must remember to shave the legs and underarms and to wear a good bra this time.

Nothing like walking out with hairy pits and a bra that has seen much better days a long, long time ago. Not pretty.

Oh - my living room is done. Yay! It's 10000 times better than it was (although it's hard to not beat plain, white walls). I'm going to try and get a decent picture to post.

And I bowled a 200 Monday night (Alley - I've no idea how I did it!)!!

So bleeding aside, there's been some pretty decent stuff going on lately.

Thoughts that needed out ...

Ever have it where not a lot was going on, but a lot kind of was?

So it feels like not a lot is going on, but, there are at least a lot of thoughts ...

*****

I need to lose weight.

This is nothing new, but trying on bridesmaids dresses (like bathing suits) really drives that point home.

My goal isn't anything massive or huge (pardon the pun) in any kind of super quick time frame. I want to lose about 40lbs by next spring.

Doable.

Except for that whole I love food thing. Really. I. love. food. Greasy, fat-filled, creamy, cheesey food. Especially those foods I think of as dippable - fries, wings, chips, etc ... And cream sauces, like alfredo. Or my comfort foods - mac & cheese, fish sticks, mashed potatoes. Holy shit yum.

Those are my downfall.

Luckily (in a way) for me, Patrick is on a lose weight kick right now. I say 'in a way' because he's a head-diver - he dives right on into the restrictions. Fish (ew), raw veggies (where's the ranch?!?), a total lack of snacking (damn you, vending machines!), all mixed with what I consider insane levels of calorie, fat, and protein counting.

But it does motivate me to try and eat a bit better. I usually feel like a big, fat, slob chowing down on my normals while he's eating a plate of grilled salmon and veggies.

So I have yogurt and low-fat snacks that will hopefully still make me feel like I'm not completely cutting things out.

I don't have a 'plan' so much as a generic outline: Slowly switch things up a bit - eat more fruit and less fat.

It sounds easy enough, but that whole less fat thing will be hard. All the truly yummy food has fat in it.

Wish me luck.

*****

Speaking of bridesmaids dresses ...

It's not like the bride and I have been super close with this awesome friendship the whole time. We like each other and have some things in common, but we've never hung out or even called each other just to chit-chat. I mean - we talked about a lot when we got together for lunches, but that was every 3 - 4 weeks.

Which is why I was suprised when she asked me.

But she seems to approach friendships the way I usually do - I only really pursue the ones I feel will work. And as she said - she can see us becoming really good friends. Which I agree with.

We talk more now, have had lunch & dinner a couple of times and didn't mention work once, and we got together last night for a movie. Me, Patrick, her, her fiance, and her dad & his girlfriend. And it was a really good time. We hung out in the parking lot a bit afterwards, just shooting the breeze.

The odd thing, to me at least, is that I haven't had a close female friend in years. YEARS, people. Remember - I am of the fag hag variety. All of my closest friends are gay men.

So this is kind of new territory for me.

*****

The trip to see Peter, Paul, & Mary in August is off. Mary is still suffering affects from her chemo treatments from last year and won't be attending.

Peter and Paul will be there, but not Mary.

I left the decision up to my mom & godmother (meaning: my mom since she usually speaks for all parties included anyway) and it's been decided that we're not going.

So I'll be returning the tickets for a refund and the 3 of us will instead spend a day up in Pigeon Forge, where I will treat them to a fancy lunch.

I'm really disappointed. I've never had a chance to see them live in person and I was beyond excited to be going.

I can only hope and pray that all of us are still around next year and that they decide to put on a few more shows.

*****

My living room is almost done.

It will be soon.

I'll post pictures when the chair rail is up and all of the trim is done.

The results ...

And now the doc is leaning more towards an ulcer than the gallbladder.

My ultrasound was completely normal. No unexpected baddies and no sign of gallstones or a thickening gallbladder wall.

The pain is more centralized right under my sternum, especially if a zealous cat decides she needs to stand on me and shove that area around. She acts like she's being loving, but I think she not so secretly hates me.

But I digress ...

I'm to stay on the protonix and go back in 3 months.

If new symptoms show up or the bouts of really bad pain increase, I'm to call him.

Otherwise ... stay the course.

In other related but unrelated news ...

I have a cold (which I knew) and am running a fever (which I suspected).

Feel like crud, I do.

Ick ...

Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment with the doctor. Hopefully he'll have something to say along the lines of "yeah, here, bad gallbladder".

Although I now have a sore throat and general ick feeling to talk to him about.

There's something going around. Whether it's a general malaise or a cold, I don't know. But it's taken out a few people at work and I seem to have been targeted.

The description of it sounds like "I can't say what's wrong, really. I just don't feel good".

About sums it up.

I basically just feel like crap.

I have the time ...

I had the ultrasound this morning.

My doctor, being the thorough man that he is, ordered a full abdominal scan. So that meant she needed to get pictures of my gallbladder along with my kidneys, liver, pancreas, stomach, and spleen. There was something in there about getting the intestinal-colon connection something-or-other, too. I don't know. I was covered in gel, though.

My left kidney, like my left tube and ovary, isn't exactly where it's supposed to be. She had to search for it. At one point she even asked if I had one. I'm not sure if she was joking or not, but I told her that I do ... as far as I know. When she found it, it was from above and not the best of pictures.

Leave it to my organs to not be where they should.

She said the report will be typed up today, so my doc should have it by this afternoon or tomorrow at the latest. Which will be in plenty of time for my follow-up appt on Monday.

Worst case scenerio (because I was raised amongst Catholics and worst case scenerio is always prepared for) - there's a shadow in a place there shouldn't be one and I'm sent for testing that does not involve my gallbladder.

Best case scenerio - my gallbladder looks bad and I'm sent to a surgeon. That's the best case scenerio because it'll answer the why of the pain and then I'll be able to have it removed and be done with it.

In other news ...

I spent the 4th painting our living room. It's pretty. Really really pretty.

I didn't do the trim. The baseboard we have right now is a pain in the ass - very short and narrow. We're going to replace it with something taller and prettier. So I didn't feel a need to paint those.

And I didn't do the framing on the front door. Of all of the supplies I bought, a paintbrush was not one of them. Go figure.

The husband and I picked up the chair rails yesterday. And a paintbrush.

The rails are almost done and the door frame will be done shortly.

I think our hallway will be next. I absolutely love the top color we chose (straw basket by Bhaer, if you want to know) and I believe I'll be stretching that color into the hallway.

I was also recently asked to be a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding next year. I was surprised to be asked, but flattered and excited. So Friday was spent with the bride and the other 2 bridesmaids (one is the matron of honor) to eyeball the dresses she'd already narrowed it down to and to try on dresses ourselves.

Only I wasn't expecting that last part - the trying on of dresses myself. So yeah ... my underarms weren't shaved, I wasn't wearing a decent bra, and I had gone commando in celebration of the end of my period.

Pretty.

But it was a good time and we all had a lot of fun.

Wow ... I've actually been pretty busy!