Posts like this suck ass ...

Yesterday was rough. Last night was rougher.

Some background --

My sister and I don't talk. A few years ago, I made the decision to stop speaking to her and stop dealing with her. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was a long time coming. And, quite honestly, my life was much more peaceful without the drama and shit-stirring.

Unfortunately, that also meant I saw a good bit less of her children. In my sister's views, if you don't see her then you don't see her kids. Unless you run into them at the store or something. Which sucked beyond. I adored her kids (well, the younger 3 - her oldest daughter needs a good ass kicking, to be honest) and I hated not having them in my life as much.

Sometimes, though, you have to make decisions that aren't pleasant.

But things like that are put aside when things like this happen.

I went to see her with my dad and step-mom last night. And I hate seeing her like this.

Constantly on the verge of hysteria, just wanting to see her son.

There have been lots of things said about his condition. We knew he was shot in the back of the head, but we weren't sure if he was beaten first. We know he was set up. He was called out there by someone he knew and trusted.

Last night we went to the funeral home with her, to have them retrieve his body from UT and make the arrangements. By then we knew a bit more about what had happened. I won't say more until the police release the information as Lord knows I don't want to risk saying something and messing shit up for them.

The only thing we knew for sure was that he was shot twice in the head. With the possibility that he was beaten first and her insistance at seeing him, we feared she'd have the worst possible memory put into her mind. The funeral home said they'd clean him up and let her visit with him, but if he was in bad shape they'd keep him covered.

I told her that if they have a sheet or blanket over his face when she gets to see him, to leave it there. Resist the urge to pull it back.

She called to say she did get to see him (I had to have Patrick come get me so I could have my PIO shot on time - don't worry, there were plenty of people still there). And she said he looks like Steve. There's an obvious injury on the side of his head where one shot may have richoted off him, but no bruising or swelling or damage to the front of his head like we feared.

She's going to take her other 3 kids to see him sometime this morning. The funeral director said that once he's ready, he can be visited at any time before the services on Monday.

I'm taking today off work. I told her I'd come by and spend some time with her.

And I told her I love her.

Whatever else may have happened, she is my sister.