Wouldn't you like to be bitchy too ...

The last couple of nights, I've been in bed around 10. Which means I've been up around 5.

I'm an 8 hour sleeper. At 8 hours, I'm up - whether I want to be or not. Yesterday I was uberbitch at work for a good chunk of the day. I was just irritable.

This morning I had to pee. And I did in my dream (no, I didn't wet the bed ya goobs). And when I wiped, there was blood. Which sent me into a panic that it was too soon, that something was wrong. I woke up mid-count of the cycle days.

So of course I had to check. And there's no blood. But I still don't like the dream.

I've always had dreams that I was pregnant. Never had a dream that I actually had a child. Until a couple nights before our first BFP. That night I dreamed (dreampt? dreamt?) I had a baby and they wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I gave it a name.

When we got our BFP, I was positive it was a boy because I saw its face and gave it a boy's name.

A few days before the miscarriage, I had two dreams. The first was that someone was trying to hit me in the stomach and I was trying to protect my belly. Then I had a dream that someone was asking me if I was sure if it was a boy because it looked like a girl to them. The child had its back to me and I was suddenly confused - if it was a boy, then why did it have long hair? And I was unsure anymore what it was.

Then we miscarried. And the chromosone testing found it was a girl.

They were both the type of semi-prophetic dreams I've had since my teens. So ... dreams like that unsettle me.

I still have the on / off cramping. 7dpiui was the strongest, with yesterday's still there but weaker. I tried to pay attention to the timing - as in, did they start mid-day and then fade after the PIO shot? I noticed that on a BFN cycle with my boobs - they'd barely hurt in the afternoon and then start killing about an hour after the shot. So I knew the boob tenderness was linked more to the PIO than anything else.

But there's no rhyme or reason here. Cramps in the morning, afternoon, evening. Random. And it may not seem like it, but I really am trying not to stress over it.

We're 9dpiui and it's still too soon.

ok ... I need to cut off the mental masturbation and do the heparin. The fun part is I realized yesterday morning that I'm out of 1cc syringes. Which means I get to give myself 2 shots of 1/2cc each until I get more syringes this evening. So between yesterday morning, last night, and this morning, I'll have had 6 shots of just the heparin.

Good times.