Swing em if you got em!

One emotional metldown down, several more waiting in the wings.

We've had family in town for the last week. Ok - they're family to me by marriage but, since we're currently staying with my dad & step-mom, they're family. And they've been enjoyable, really. Their youngest daughter is 4 and a complete spitfire. That girl is going to be serious trouble when she hits her teens - already too smart for her own good.

And I was fine all week. But yesterday we had a cookout. Which included my very pregnant step-sister. Her due date? 2 weeks after what would have been ours. Yeah.

I thought I had a handle on it. And mostly I do. Yesterday I didn't. I practically had a temper tantrum in a K-Mart aisle while looking for embroidery thread (makin' some bracelets, I am).

In my own defense, we had already been to Hobby Lobby (where I picked up and put back lots of thread since I knew I could get it cheaper elsewhere) and WalMart (who had absolutely no thread left), and K-Mart was our 3rd stop. After being told they don't have that sort of thing, my husband made the mistake of insisting we try another WalMart. A WalMart in the next town, about a 30 minute drive.

My response was a teeth-clenched oh hell no I'm not stopping at one more store. I only relented after he promised to buy me a can of Easy Cheese (Lord help).

For the record - stick to Hobby Lobby. Yes, WalMart has lots of thread at 10 cents each, but Hobby Lobby has fun thread and I was wanting to help my niece and the two girls make bracelets of their own and one had mentioned how cool it'd be to have sparkly thread.

Anyway ...

It took me a bit, but I was able to recognize my reaction for what it was. I didn't want to go home because I was tired or had something pressing to do. No. I wanted to go home because it's where I go when I'm frazzled and don't want to be near people. I basically wanted to escape.

Only at home awaited my step-sister and her huge belly. And the baby talk that always happens when she or her husband are there. And with extra family in town ... well ... she didn't even have to be there for the baby talk to happen.

And this time I lost it. I snapped at my husband and I washed all the dishes (really, I don't do dishes hah) and waited to calm down. Then I carried my box of Lupron to the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and cried. I wanted to fling that box across the room.

I should be wearing maternity tops and waddling when I walk. I should be making jokes about the baby wanting this or that. People should be pressing on my belly and trying to decide if that's an elbow or a butt they're feeling. But no. In a move that made (makes) me wonder if God really does hate me, I didn't get that lucky.

Instead, I was standing in the bathroom with a vial and needle and poofy eyes while the laughter from the next room forced its way through the door.

Twenty minutes later I was fine.

Gaw.

So I made my bracelet in the friendship bracelet way I did back in high school. One thing I did get at Hobby Lobby was a small heart pendant that I knotted into the middle middle of it. So it's tied into the bracelet and dangles. I like it. And my husband wants one, although without the pendant.

If anyone else wants one, please leave me a message and I'll be happy to make one for you.

The thing that surprised me, though, was my response when my step-mom and visiting cousin asked why I was making a bracelet for the first time in - oh - twenty years.

One thing I've learned is that no matter how much a fertile myrtle tries, they really never understand how IF is. Or how you feel (remember the happy baby talk while miss mine is gone is sitting in the next chair?). And I honestly couldn't think of a way to explain what the bracelet means without sounding ... stupid.

So I didn't explain it. At all. I just commented that I wanted to. And when the cousin specifically said "Why are you making one?" ... my answer was ... "To wear".

Yeah. That was it. Welcome to Bitchville.

It's like I told my husband -- to someone who's never been here, it'd sound trivial. There's ribbons and bracelets for cancer and aids and all sorts of things. To someone who's never been here, a bracelet to help us recognize each other would sound a bit around the bend.

So I didn't explain it. Which I'm ashamed of. I've always been outspoken about what we're going through and, when given an opportunity to speak about it, I waffled.

If you've made it this far (you deserve a medal hah) - Last, but defnitely not least - thank you ladies for your comments. It does so much for me to know I can come here and get it all out and there are people who won't think I've lost it. I'm lucky to have found you all.

And I will post a picture of the tatt once I get it. I have a rough idea of how I want it to look. Now I just have to figure out where to put it.