I'm not sure if I'm really feeling anything or not since it kind of comes and goes. Besides, my ovaries are generally like the Bears - they're a 2nd half team. The first few days, they sit around and think about it. They don't let the opposing team score, but they don't really make any headway themselves either. It's usually only after 6 or 7 days of drugs, just when you wonder what the hell they're doing, that they turn on their A game and show up.
With the amount of repronex she has me on, I should feel a persistent bloating by now. Especially if she expects me to go in tomorrow and be almost ready for the trigger. Yeah ... I don't see that happening.
Who wants to place bets my ovaries are going to force us to wait until Friday to trigger? I should start a pool or something.
The house ... has me twisted.
My husband and I definitely see things differently when it comes to The House. He wants out from under it with as little effort or worry as possible. I want out from under it with at least something to show for all the work and money that's been put into it to date. Plus I want to be able to buy something else that we can move directly into (I need out of this fucking place).
I don't expect a lot. With its current state, it's not worth much more than the property it's sitting on.
His latest has his best friend, who lives next door to it, offering to buy it for the payoff. Which will leave us with nothing. Nada. Not even the tiniest of down payments for something else. My husband's comment? You're pissed off and I don't care.
Huh.
I don't even know how to process that. Really. I'm sitting here, trying to muster up something ... anything ... and all I can bring up is ... I'm tired. I'm putting all of my efforts into this baby making stuff, what I can afford to put towards the baby making stuff, the energy, emotions ... always positive we'd be in a place of our own by the time we needed to be ... and I'm not sure I have enough left over to care that he doesn't care.
I think I just feel beat down by that house.
I want us to find something we can afford, which is definitely out there, that we'd both be happy with. But even that ... I gave up on 3 beds / 2 baths because they all run right at 140 - 150, which is at the top of our price range. There's a charming house with 3 beds / 1 bath well within our price range ... and he tells me to look at this run down 2 bed / 1 bath shack that has like 4 windows in the entire thing and panelling on all of the walls. And I'm sure his reasoning is because it's only 89.
He looks at price. I look at price and livability.
I'm worn out. I'm doing all I can to not have daily blowouts at all the baby items and baby talk and baby shower invitations floating around this thouse. I hate staring at the clock and knowing whatever shot is next just to so many hours away. I just want to know we have somewhere we can go, somewhere we'd both be happy with.
But I don't have it in me to fight about it. I just don't. I'm tired and all I want to hear is "I'll handle this" and have it taken care of with both of us in mind.
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