You've got that bloooaaated feeling ...

Marry a farm boy if you can.

Mine handles all sorts of (what I deem "guy stuff") stuff for me. Such as burying animals.

One of my cats died overnight. Sadness. I've had her 11 years. He went to get her, I went to the bathroom to bawl.

I'm ok now, but I hold no promises for tonight when I'm clearing her things out.

I've officially moved out of jeans and into more comfy, forgiving pants. It's not that they're suddenly too tight - it's that any restriction on my middle has me in pain.

Which brings me to another point ...

Patrick and I have always been very open with family and friends about our IF struggles. Education is the way to open eyes about infertility and you can't educate others if you don't talk to them about it (plus I hate that whole "they don't understand" when someone hasn't even tried to explain it).

While I still firmly believe this is the way to go, it sometimes causes discomfort for me here at work. Physically and mentally.

Mental reasons should be obvious - lots of questions. Lots and lots of questions. And all but those hired after March know about our miscarriage. All of this is generally fine. But there's always 1 or 2 that feel a need to bring it all up every time they talk to me. One would mention it - I kid you not - almost every single time she spoke with me. It was always someone she knew, a relative of someone she knows, a friend of a friend of a blah blah blah, who's had a miscarriage and gone on to have a healthy baby.

Between you and me? This woman is the reason I've stopped talking about it at work.

I decided that only a few key people would be told when we started treatments again. And I was sure to point this out to this other person in the form of "It's not something I always want to talk about, so I've decided not to anymore". She paused for a few moments and said "So when do you guys go back to start again?"

Buh.

My reply was less than nice, I must say. It was a very direct "I just told you that I won't tell anyone when we start back, so I'm not saying".

Which has created the 2nd problem - the physical discomfort.

The last cyle in February had me swollen. I was beyond bloated for a good 3 weeks. I could barely get my jeans buttoned and when I did it was really unpleasant. So I took to wearing cotton stretchy pants every day.

Which is almost as bad a give-away as the cotton taped to my inner elbow. So I can't wear those to work right now. There are ... 5 people in my department that know we're in another cycle. There'd be a buttload more were I to suddenly start wearing my stretchy pants.

So although I'm not wearing my jeans, I'm not wearing stretchy pants either.

Which sucks.