The whore showed up yesterday.
Yes, my period decided to wait until the actual freakin holiday to show her ass.
My uterus truly does hate me.
My dad has called me twice now, asking if we were going to be there for Thanksgiving. Both times I told him no.
Not only is Patrick avoiding all holiday gatherings this year, but ... well ... my step-sister and her family will be there. And they'll be the only ones of us kids to be there, so who am I supposed to use to ignore the baby and all the happy baby talk? I mean ... this will be his first Thanksgiving where he'll actually be aware of the going-ons around him. And since there is no such thing as even a basic conversation with either parental unit on that side that doesn't involve updates on what that grandchild can do now, I can't imagine how an actual real holiday with him will be.
That sounds awful. I know it does. Who ignores a baby, for cry-eye?
Me. I do.
I wish I were like those of you who can immerse yourselves in the babies of your friends and siblings. But I can't. I just find it too painful and it seems to get worse with every passing year.
Maybe it's the age thing.
When I started my first round of fertility treatments, I was just 25. Yes, a whopping 25 years old with an already long history of PCOS and missed periods. Back then, I was like that - I didn't hesitate to hold babies and I enjoyed being around them.
Because I never imagined I'd still be childless 12 years and numerous treatment cycles later. Sure, I figured it'd take a bit of time. A couple years at the most.
Yet, here I am. 37 and wondering why I even have a uterus and ovaries.
And why they always wait for holidays to remind me of their uselessness.
Don't get me wrong - I do have a lot to be thankful for.
Such as not having to go spend a day with a part of my family that can't help but remind me of what I'd be the most thankful for but don't have.
3 comments:
Holidays are SO hard. You need to do what's best for you...for your heart. Each one is harder than the last.
I'm so sorry that evil wench decided to show up.
Sending hugs and support your way.
You have to do what's best for you. Anyone that doesn't understand self preservation can take a flying leap. I hope you're holiday got better. (((hugs)))
i am sorry this is so late, but i hear you. and i do NOT submerge myself in people's kids either. i just can't do it...not yet. i became pregnant last year in December, so this seasons beginning with thanksgiving has been especially rough. i cried on thanksgiving if that gives you a clue as to how i was feeling.
i do notice the hope in your post by stating that you will one day have your own child to celebrate milestones with. i tell myself the same thing...one day. And I believe it.
Hugs and hang in there A,
J
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