Open communication has always been a challenge for me.
Growing up Angie included repeatedly being told I was exaggerating, things weren't that important, suck it up, and "the only person in life you can ever really rely on is yourself".
Emotions outside of happy were met with accusations of acting like a baby and instructions to just get over it. The words went hand in hand with looks of disdain, impatience, and, not infrequently, mockery. And if a normal tone of voice didn't cut it, the yelling would start.
I learned very early it was much safer to keep your feelings to yourself.
Which is something I continue to struggle with.
My problems from the other day stem from my inability to be The Great Communicator. My fear of being met with anger or irritation is a hold-over from my upbringing that I find next to impossible to shake.
Which would probably seem weird to those that really know me. I usually don't care if I piss someone off. Sometimes I've even been known to do it on purpose.
But when it comes to those close to me, those that can easily twist a knife if they want to, my first instinct is to prevent it by keeping my mouth shut completely.
Which isn't the answer.
It's something I know will always be a constant struggle, but something I'm workin on.
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