And so it goes ...

I had to work a few hours yesterday. I majorly sucked in the time management department last week and fell behind. But since all of my new hires work Saturdays, I knew I could corner them.

So I gave Biscuit (one of my dogs) a bath, tossed her in the van, and headed into work. Biscuit's been there before, but it's been a while since she use to get car sick. There was no vomiting this time (yay!) and she ran around like she owned the place and everyone there was an old friend of hers.

My older brother also got married yesterday. Which meant a family gathering at my dad's. Which is something I dread these days.

For those that don't know - my younger step-sister found out she was pregnant about 2 weeks after Patrick and I found out we were. Only I lost ours at 7wks while my step-sister contineus to chug along. And since we're staying with my dad & step-mom's and my step-sister and her husband visit a lot, I get subjected to lots of baby talk. So I have a tendency to disappear on the weekends that I know they'll be here. It's just too hard to listen to them happily yap baby while I'm trying to get past losing ours and gear up mentally for yet another round of fertility treatments.

Yesterday, though, was the first time - ever - that they didn't mention her baby or pregnancy in front of me. Really. It was pretty surprising.

I think I have my Aunt Sally to thank for that.

See, my Aunt Sally called one Saturday morning a week or so ago and got me instead of my dad. And she asked how things - and I - were doing. So I told her. And I mentioned how hard it is to listen to them happily talk baby while trying to choke my dinner down without freaking out in front of everyone. Because I'm in that awkward position of knowing they have every right to be excited for my step-sister and she has every right to enjoy and celebrate her pregnancy while wishing to God they'd show a bit of respect and caring by not being all happy and excited in front of me. And since the most recent episode that had me fleeing downstairs twice (so I wouldn't just burst into tears in front of them all) had happened just the night before, it was still fresh and painful in my mind.

And I figured yesterday's gathering would have the same results. But it didn't. At some point I realized anyone had yet to utter a word about her baby.

And knowing my Aunt Sally the way I do, I'm sure she talked to my dad about it. And if she did, then go go gadget Aunt Sally!

However ... having said all that ... they're all having a Father's Day dinner at Texas Roadhouse today. And since Patrick and I don't have a reason to celebrate it - really .. who wants to celebrate one of those holidays when it's just another reminder ... - I told them last night we wouldn't be joining them. It's one thing to expect to go baby-talk free during a dinner at home, but something completely different when one of the men there is going to be a first time father.

So I'm not sure what Patrick and I will do today.

I was thinking we'd be in a different house in just a couple of months (I can't put into words how desperately I need out of this place), but now I'm not sure. The light at the end of the tunnel dimmed quite a bit yesterday evening and I'm finding myself back in the funk. I was getting excited and now ... now it's like the rug was pulled out from under me and I feel stuck again.

And ... my meds are still stuck in Customs. Luckily, the charges haven't come out of my account yet. So I'm thinking I'm not truly billed until the drugs are delivered. But it's starting to really worry me that I don't have them yet. I usually have the meds within about a week, if that long. It's now been more than a week since I ordered them and they've been sitting in Customs since the 9th. I'm just hoping and praying that they're not confiscated or sent back (since ordering drugs from outside the country is, technically, illegal).

So much on my mind ...