Perspective ...

(If you haven't read this post yet, please do before reading this one)

You may not know this about me, but I have a tendency to get momentarily (ok .. sometimes for hours) wrapped up in crazy excitement over things.

One example is the house we were originally looking at and put a bid on.

All through the process, I was was all about it. This was a beautiful, old, victorian style home with original woods and seriously awesome inside. Who cared that most if the improvements were cosmetic? Not me. Who gave a hoot that it wasn't in a very good neighborhood (more like Crack Central)? Not I. Did it bother anyone that the owner was a tad nuts and wreaked havoc on our realtor? I did somewhat, but I turned a blind eye to it.

So when the inspector came back with a not-so-glowing report about a roof in desperate need of replacing (5 layers of shingles, people ... five!) and some other smaller problems needing immediate attention, I was crushed. Absolutely crushed.

And momentarily convinced it wasn't a problem. Sure, it'd cost at least 5 grand to fix it. Sure we were topping out at our mortgage limit. But ... pffft ... we could do it!

The next morning, I woke up knowing we couldn't. And I was ok with it.

My mind just needed the time to put the pieces together and to mull it over without my interruping it every 30 seconds.

So it is with the insurance ...

I would give anything to experience being pregnant. To carry a child, our child, and go through everything that comes with it.

But the fact is that my body has done everything in its power to not be or stay that way.

Anovulatory, insulin resitant PCOS. MTHFR blood clotting problems. Years of trying that ended in the worst heartbreak I've ever experienced.

We still have a few thousand dollars left of the money my mom gave us last summer. Money that was to be used for our adoption fund.

And while I'm sure my mom would be just as happy if we used it to fund the rest of the IVF treatment (my RE only charges $7500 for IVF not including the meds), it would leave us with nothing if it didn't work.

Because there are no promises it will work. Or that my body will work.

Adoption means we will bring a baby home to join our family. The money will be spent and a baby will come to us.

We've already done most of the footwork. We chose our agency almost a year ago (Catholic Charities). We've already received the paperwork (my part was filled out months ago!). And we both already have copies of our birth certificates.

And as a friend pointed out - I've been waiting for nothing more than medical insurance coverage to put our adoption plans into motion.

At some point overnight, my mind went from wrapped up crazy excitement at a maybe to knowing what I already knew.

Adoption it will be.