It may not seem like it sometimes, but I'm not a big stresser.
Don't get me wrong, I have stress. Everyone has stress.
I just make the concious decision to not let it run my life. Or ruin it.
So I tend to acknowledge that, yes, bills are due, and, yes, sometimes it's seriously painful to keep up with them. Or yes, work can be frustrating and, yes, sometimes it drives me absolutely insane.
And then I move on.
It doesn't mean I've forgotten or that it still isn't on my mind or that I don't care.
It just means I refuse to dwell on it.
The downside is that when serious stress piles on, I don't deal with it all too well.
In other words, I tend to break down.
After discovering Hoss's collar yesterday, I had a breakdown. I sat on the deck, waiting for Patrick to get home so I could go get replacements (that I can't afford), and bawled.
Dealing with Hoss's leg and surgery and then subsequent re-stitching has completely drained me. And coming home to a super excited dog, proud of his new freedom, pushed me further than I really wanted to handle.
So I cried.
All I could think of was how I had 2 more weeks of this to look forward to. And then, of course, the fear that he'd open the incision yet again once the stitches are removed.
And what about Christmas? Christmas is less than a month away and I can't afford anything.
Really ... this whole process has been more than a bit of a downer. It's been more like a tsunami of repeated stress.
There are silver linings ...
The vet will let me post date a check, so last week's re-stitching and the 3 cone collars won't go through until I get paid on Friday.
Hoss didn't get to his stitches after destroying the collar.
I was home in time to get a replacement and a spare and have a boss that didn't (at least to me) get ugly about my not going to work today (did I mention I had to exchange the spare since the replacement broke within a few hours? No? Well ... yeah).
Um ... that's about all I can think of right now. But I'm clinging to them like a life raft, lest I end up on the couch, bawling like a 2 yr old who just had her toys snatched away.
1 comment:
oh Angela, I am so sorry. I remember that last year my husband and I were not doing well with finances and I worried about gifts for the holidays. Finally, I just said to myself "if we don't have the money, we just don't have it". my friends and I did a secret santa and it saved me a lot of cash. i was able to enjoy gift giving instead of stress over it.
some people - i just didn't gift anything to.
sometimes just christmas cards are ok, other times you can just bake soemthing for others or offer to do a favor or shore - help fix something for someone around their home.
i think we all get sucked into beleive that gifts are all about spending and it should really be about about so much more. i happily discovered that last year when i was broke. :)
hugs,
j
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